Total Randomness

Have you ever had one of those days where you think about or do random shit?


The other day I bought some eye cream because I am starting to get just a few wrinkles. I’m only 36 and am not ready for wrinkles. (Cue your “Snort is so conceited!” thoughts.) I also bought a moisturizer from the same brand. For the last two days I have been using the eye cream twice a day and following it up with the facial moisturizer. I was having to use four pumps of moisturizer to get all of my face and neck, and that seems excessive. It seems that my stupid ass bought a small container of eye cream and the extra-large-with-a-pump container of the same eye cream.


I loaded up the washing machine with detergent, fabric softener, and bleach the other day to wash some towels. Imagine my surprise when I came back an hour and a half later and found the washing machine smelling fresh and clean and the heap of dirty towels still on the floor. Yep. I forgot to actually add the laundry.


The same goes for my coffee this morning. I brewed an excellent pot of hot water, added my Coffee Mate, and promptly choked.


I went grocery shopping Saturday afternoon. Something just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was definitely odd. I did my mental checklist:  debit card? Check. Children? At home with J. Gas in the car? Check. ID and insurance? Check. Wearing shoes? Check. Brushed teeth? Check. Hair not sticking out in all directions? Check. I finally figured it out AFTER I spent an hour at the grocery store and 30 minutes at the farmers market:  I was not wearing a bra and likely jiggled and pointed during my entire excursion.


6-inch has fallen in love with orange Tic-Tacs.


Footlong asked me to buy him a can of baby corn at the store. He said he wanted to try it. It didn’t go over very well.


My best friends and I have decided to leave our Christmas trees up year round but to decorate for all of the major holidays. Our Valentine tree is up, and it looks like Cupid barfed everywhere. I’ve got decorations on stand-by for St. Patrick’s Day, Easter/Springtime, and for the fall. I am anxiously waiting for the summer patriotic stuff to arrive at Dollar Tree so I can get my tree decorated for the summer.


I was dressing 6-inch for preschool yesterday, and while putting on his jeans I had this thought:  why in the fuck to baby/toddler jeans have pockets? What is he supposed to put in there? His baby wallet? His keys to his battery-operated Ford truck? His baby phone?


I am convinced that the more you make your life look like a unicorn fart and the more you praise your spouse on Facebook that it directly correlates with how unhappy you are. Let it all hang out, people. Good and bad. That is life.


A Year In Review

For Julie. xoxo

Hello everyone! I realize that I never went back and posted pictures in September as I promised, and that was very MckMama of me. LOL. I haven’t blogged much in the past year, and as most of you know I cannot post at MckFacts; I have made so many friends near and far that I figured a synopsis of my year would be an appropriate way to tell all of you hello and what has been going on here in my neck of the desert. Hence, here are the updates in the Year of [SNORT]:

How am I? I’m fine, and thank you for asking. I’m not going to gloss over things and make you think that this whole year has been a shiny, unicorn glitter fart. It hasn’t. There have been some rough patches, particularly with my depression and anxiety. This year has ultimately been a journey of painful self-examination, guilt, remorse, healing, and self-improvement. I spent a week in an inpatient facility to get a grasp on things.Under the care of my psychiatrist and doctor I have been weaning off my anxiety medication and have had my depression medication adjusted. I’m not having any alcohol. In addition to my mental health team, I have been talking to a counselor about some unresolved issues from my past, and I have tried accupunture, meditation, natural herbal supplements, chiropractic adjustments, and even had a colonic. I don’t know why l didn’t try Xyng and the magic juice since it cures all. As a plus my weight loss has leveled off, and having a steady weight and amount of body fat is wonderful for me hormonally…at least the doctor said so. So where am I on my journey? To refresh your memory, when I started my pre-op diet in 2012 I was 293.5 pounds, wore a 3x shirt, and size 26 pants were getting a little snug. Today I am 195-ish (it fluctuates a little) and wear an XL shirt and size 16 pants (or 18 if they are cut small). My body seems happy here. I am doing better, and it feels good to say that.

How are Footlong and 6-inch? They are awesome. Did you know that I have TWO children? I shit you not. I have birthed TWO human beings. I am way more special than y’all. Did you know that my uterus is a magical place full of Jesus Balm where little clumps of cells can grow into a human? I am so much better than everyone. Seriously…the kids are great. Footlong is now 9 years old and is a happy 3rd grader. He is scary smart and wants to design video games when he grows up. He loves to play on the computer, and he also loves to watch Forensic Files on CNN. 6-inch is a happy, squishy 3-year-old, and last month we received an official diagnosis of autism. He is still receiving speech and occupational therapies, and he goes to a special preschool four mornings a week. His developmental pediatrician says that he is high functioning and wants us to add behavioral therapy to the mix. He has a vocabulary of 50 words or so and is constantly trying to mimic our words. He knows a couple of colors and loves to play with his “shoo-shoo-trey.” Can you figure that out? It is 6-inch speak for choo-choo-train.

How is the hubster? He is good and is working hard. We celebrated our 11th anniversary in October and snuck away for a weekend at a resort here in Tucson. He has been my rock this year.

Below are some photos. I hope that you all have a very happy and healthy upcoming year. And just because I can’t comment at MckFacts doesn’t mean I don’t read there. I do. Almost every single day. A fourth foreclosure on that ugly ass, crooked, cheaply built barn? I’m not really surprised. Were you?


John took this photo during our anniversary dinner in October.


Brotherly love at bedtime! 6-inch saw the flash and yelled, “CHEESE!”


A selfie. From the airport bar as I chugged vodka and heavy cream while plotting how to share the gift of health with people without selling it for profit. Yeah…ask me next year how thats going.


Sorry. I couldn’t resist.


Footlong’s school picture. So handsome!


My handsome husband as we lunched at Macaroni Grill.


Posing with my not-so-little boy before we went to his school musical. He played a snowflake. This was taken three or four weeks ago.


Duh. I got new shoes.


These are my favorite purchase this year.


Me and my soul sisters while we were out getting my new tattoo for my 36th birthday.


My sweet  6-inch.

Love you all! Drop me a line if you like!!

Summer…….[SNORT] Style

Hello everyone! I appreciate those of you that commented here or sent me an e-mail asking for an update. Right now I’m on my mom’s computer and can’t upload pictures, but if you check back later today I promise there will be photos. Really. I promise. Not like a MckMama promise. You’re welcome.


I just have to say again that the MckFacts mods are running a great site. I read a few times a week and can’t believe Jenny isn’t wearing a XXXL orange poncho to brave the shitstorm she is in. I have made mistakes in my life, but damn; that girl just doesn’t have a fucking clue.


Footlong and 6-inch are doing well. 6-inch just turned three and started preschool. He meets the criteria set forth by the Arizona Early Intervention Program for free preschool and necessary therapies (speech and OT). He goes to school 4 mornings a week, and his favorite thing by far is riding the school bus. We are also noticing an increase in his vocabulary and his trying to mimic our words. Here are some words that came out of his sweet little mouth this week:  Daddy, Mama, cookie, milk, go, yay!, night-night, purple, and green. We’re ecstatic. Footlong will be 9 next month and is enjoying the third grade. He has a ton of homework every night, and I certainly don’t remember having that much homework in elementary school. Right now he is obsessed with Canada. I pick up souvenir patches from wherever I travel, and he picked out a patch of the Canadian flag and had my mom sew it onto one of his shirts. For his birthday he says he wants me to exchange some American currency for some Canadian currency. I bought a nice picture book when I drove through the Yukon Territory, and he pours over and talks about how beautiful everything is. I wish I could afford to take him on vacation!!


My mom and dad have begun to take baby steps in moving out here. I’ve had some health problems for awhile so my mom moved out here and in with us. While she looks for work Dad will be fixing their house up and putting it on the market. I’ve openly talked here about my struggles with mental illness and past use of drugs. My depression and anxiety are under better control. I’m currently on Paxil, vitamins, Seroquel (at bedtime for sleep), Prazosin (a BP medication that works to prevent nightmares and night terrors in those with severe depression and PTSD), Phenergan (as needed for nausea), and Ativan (as needed for anxiety). I’m not going to hide or gloss over things, but my anxiety was so bad for the past year that I started drinking to feel calmer. Poor choice, I know, but least there was no drunken karaoke. I’ve been dry and sober since March and have added complementary therapies to help me heal all around. In addition to my psychiatrist I am now having talk therapy with a counselor, accupucture twice a week, and chiropractic adjustments twice a week. I am feeling like my old self. I’m sharing this because I know that some of you may be depressed, anxious, or self-medicating with alcohol and pills. You’re not alone. If you want to chat privately you can email me at

I’ll try and get some photos on here later. I hope everyone is well, and I miss my MWOP gals. xoxo




Greetings And Salutations!

I have let this blog fall by the wayside, and I must admit that I haven’t missed it all that much. I did, however, get a sweet email this morning from someone asking for an update. As 6-inch is currently occupied with a cartoon I figured what the hell….let’s update The Snort Files.


Firstly, I miss so many of you! The owners of the new MckFacts site are doing a great job, but I have been blocked from commenting. I don’t know why, and it really doesn’t matter. I know that my blunt honesty and previous problems have made me a pariah of sorts. I read MckFacts once a week or so to see what is going on with everyone’s favorite train wreck, but I don’t read the comments. I absolutely LOVED the side-by-side photos of her before and “after” weight loss while she was in a bathing suit on the cruise. Pure gold! And the new lawsuits…hello?!? How much fucking money can this woman piss away? I read on the news today that Vibram (the makers of those ugly ass finger shoes she wears) is being sued for making false claims. I bet JM will elbow her way to the front of the line for a financial settlement because, hey, that woman can smell money like a pig can smell truffles.


How are Footlong and 6-inch? They are doing well and growing like weeds! Footlong finishes 2nd grade next week, and I’m a little sad. He is getting kind of tall and gangly and reminds me of a little colt who is all legs. 6-inch will be three this summer, and right now we are busy with occupational therapy (twice a week), developmental therapy (once a week), and feeding therapy (once a week). He is eligible for the state-sponsored early intervention preschool when he turns three, and the great this is that he will receive his therapies for FREE at school. That will save us a few hundred dollars a month in insurance co-pays. He can say “go,” “outside,” “catch,” and “Hi!” He mimics alot of our actions, like dancing or making funny faces. He loves to scribble, watch episodes of “Peppa Pig”, and play with toys.


Mr. Snort is doing well and is busy with work. Don’t know if I ever mentioned to y’all what kind of work he does, but he is an electrical engineer. He works at a company that designs electrical components and batteries for airplanes. He comes home and takes over with the kids, doing baths and homework with Footlong. After being with the kids and cleaning and cooking I appreciate the break. We have an extra bedroom here that I have turned into my “Chic Cave.” The room holds a few pieces of extra furniture and our extra TV, but it is my sanctuary. John built me a bookshelf so I could have a place to hold all of my cookbooks and culinary textbooks. It is heaven to sit in there and flip through my books and watch TV. I just appreciate the alone time. As for culinary school, I have been accepted at both schools I applied to, but I have had to delay my start until Mother and Father Snort move out here. Yep, my parents are biting the bullet and moving out here. My Dad is retired, and my Mom is looking for a job. As soon as they sell their house they are Arizona bound. They will help with childcare when I start school.


And as for me? I really don’t know where to start. I had mentioned in the past that my anxiety and depression had been vacillating wildly, and I was having panic attacks. My psychiatrist has taken me off of my Wellbutrin and changed my Zoloft to Paxil. That has helped tremendously. I’ve also been weaning off of my Ativan, and I’ve gone from 4 tablets a day to 1 tablet every evening because that is when my anxiety settles in. My life isn’t all peaches and cream; I still have my bad days, but they, thankfully, are fewer and farther between. I have lost about 110 lbs and am now a comfortable size 16 (or 18 depending on the fit). I’m friends with alot of MWOPers on FB, and I know they’ve seen photos of me, but I’ll post some below along with some photos of the kids.


I wrote something here but have deleted it. I’ve decided that for right now perhaps I should keep my mouth shut to forgo the shit storm that would likely be coming my way.


I really miss you guys. Drop me a line here and tell me how you are!



Me and 6-inch out shopping on Wednesday. There were heavy winds and dust storms, so please excuse my hair.




This is what I looked like before the wind got to me.




Size 16 jeans! (And yes….I am wearing heels. And yes….I am without makeup.)




How my toddler watches TV.




Me and Footlong last month.




6-inch after his big boy haircut.




Footlong showing off his haircut.




Yogurt! Nom-Nom-Nom!!!








We went to the Pima County Fair two weeks ago, and the Arizona sun made me it’s bitch.




Sharing a candy apple on the way home from the fair.


And that about does it!









Happy New Year And All That Jazz

I am surprised yet not surprised that I haven’t blogged for so long. Too many things have been going on in the House of Snort. Let’s play catch-up:

  • Since late October Mr. Snort has been working 6 days a week, and I have been feeling the frustration at home. I clean the home in the mornings only to have it look like Hurricane 6-inch (a category 3 minimum) whipped through the house spilling beverages, throwing toys, and taking everything atop a table and swooping it to the floor.
  • My Footlong has lost both of this top teeth, and I think he looks like a little bat. It is sooooooooooooo cute!
  • We have found a delightful babysitter that loves both boys and is able to easily handle 6-inch and his communication/behavioral difficulties. She is wonderful. John and I have been on two dates!
  • I recently spent five days in the hospital (including Christmas) for a wicked stomach bug and was so severely dehydrated I was barely conscious. I kept the hubby and kids away from the hospital, and no one else got sick. I wanted to post some photos of my kids on Christmas, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t there to see Christmas morning in person, and I’m having to rely second-hand on photos and videos. That breaks my heart.
  • I’m not sure exactly what I’ve been accused of at MWOP (like I care), but I don’t and have never Tweeted, Instagrammed, contacted Mck other than to play my Golden Ticket, do not own another blog, and do not comment under other names. There. Just wanted all of that said.
  • Todays forecast is for sunshine with a high of 71 and low of 37.
  • I was accepted to culinary school and was supposed to be started in two weeks. I have had to put it on hold indefinitely as the state now wants to test 6-inch for autism. He currently receives Speech Therapy, and we are now adding Occupational Therapy, Sensory Therapy, and Feeding Therapy into the mix. There is also talk of a brain MRI just to make 100% sure that his little noggin is ok. I feel overwhelmed. And hopeful. And sad, like there is something I did to my baby in utero. He is 2 1/2  and can speak 2 words, and his non-verbal communication skills have improved ten-fold. He can follow simple commands and loves to play silly games that I make up on the spot. Sweet, sweet, baby.
  • I saw my bariatric surgeon before the holidays, and he said that he was not surprised my weight loss had slowed to a crawl given the psychotrophic medications I was on. We are thinking of perhaps weaning off drugs to see if it helps weight loss. He says patients on a ton of antidepressants and anxiety stuff hold onto fat for dear life. I’m blessed to be healthier and much happier, but oh how wonderful it would be let go of some more (literal) baggage.
  • And that’s all for me. How are you doing?

To Be Bat-Shit Crazy, or not to be Bat-Shit Crazy……Those are the Unfortunte Questions

I apologize; I just figured with all I’ve been through mentally and physically lately that the title was fitting.

Since coming forward repeatedly on MWOP with issues regarding gastric bypass surgery, medication absorption, medication changes, anxiety/panic attacks I decided to blog about it. There are a lot of you who talk privately with me about your weight and/or mental illness, so I dedicate this post to all of you who struggle daily like I do. Now at the beginning of the surgery (just over one year ago) I had been on the same medication regimen for a little over 2 years. We’ll start at the beginning:


Weight:  293.5


Wellbutrin 100 mg three times a day

Zoloft 100 mg a day

Gabapentin 300 mg a day

Seroquel (for sleep) 50-100 mg

February 2013

Weight:  245-ish

After complaining to my PCP about increasing anxiety and panic she figured that is was a medication absorption issue. She increased my Zoloft to 150 mg a day and provided some Ativan to use as needed for severe feelings of panic.

May 2013

Weight 205

Started seeing new psychiatrist at the urging of my PCP for professional management of my mental health issues—namely depression and anxiety were going through the roof.

Wellburtrin stayed at 100 mg three times a day

Zoloft increased to 250 mg a day

Seroquel increased to 100-200 mg for sleep

Gabapentin 300 mg day

NEW med:  Remeron 15 mg at bedtime. Helps with sleep. Causes weight gain.

ANXIETY:  Takes me off of Ativan as needed. Gives me something in the same family of Ativan and at a teeny, tiny dose. I think my 90 pound Maw-Maw wouldn’t have been phased by the dose.

End of September/Beginning of October 2013

Weight 200 lbs (Thanks, Remeron!)

I am in a near constant state of nervousness and panic. I have tremors in my hands, and my left eyelid twitches uncontrollably. See my PCP who takes me off Remeron, reduces my Wellbutrin to 50 mg three times a day (the less I weigh the less I need), puts me back on anxiety medication, gives me a bear hug (she is also a friend) and lets me cry for a few minutes. Recommends new psychiatrist.

Last Week

Weight:  205 (haven’t been in a good state of mind for a few months therefore haven’t exercised. At all.)

Saw my new psychiatrist, Dr. C. I love this man. We had a two hour session, and went over everything in detail. He took good notes. He told me I was having legitimate problems and was not going crazy. He said that the Wellbutrin at 100 mg three times a day was too much for me now and likely accounted for the hand/eyelid tremors. He also mentioned that Wellbutrin and Zoloft in higher doses worsen anxiety. (HELLO!!!!!) He is weaning me off the Zoloft and starting me on a low dose of Paxil. He continued the Ativan as needed as his way of thinking I may need help on the side until we get me in a good place. He also gave a me a small dose of s short-acting sleeping pill to turn my brain off and let me fall asleep.

And today:

I am feeling better. The new lower dose of Wellbutrin 50 mg three times a day works will and does not cause any side effects. Coming of Zoloft and starting Paxil are fine. I’m sleeping well but still having problems relaxing so I use the anxiety meds when I need to. I’m not supposed to drink alcohol, but when I thought I was going crazy I brought back the cocktail hour, and I need to stop. FYI, the cocktail hour consists of two vodka martinis or two glasses of Pinot Noir. I figure the alcohol and lack of exercise are stalling my weight loss because I’m still not eating a whole lot. My goal now is to go from a size 16/18 to a 14 by Christmas.

If any of you would like to discuss your problems/comments/questions, etc in the comments section that is fine. Just remember I’m not even a nurse anymore! If you’d feel more comfortable talking privately you can always reach me at

Getting Caught Up

It has been a whole month and half since I’ve sat here and blogged, and to tell you the truth, I really haven’t missed it much. The boys are doing well. Footlong turned 8, loves second grade, and was a police officer for Halloween. 6-inch receives speech therapy once a week, and while he still isn’t speaking verbally his non-verbal communicational skills have improved by leaps and bounds. We’re looking to get him into a sensory therapist, and he is on the waiting list to see a development at the University Hospital. For Halloween he was a baby biker dude and was supposed to wear a red do-rag to complete the costume, but we are at the phase where he will allow NOTHING on his head.

As for me all of the changes in my psychiatric medications had me close to a nervous breakdown. I had been self-medicating with anti-anxiety and even started drinking vodka martinis to help calm myself down. I realized I was in a bad place and I saw my PCP who urged me to find another psychiatrist. He is wonderful, and with me sporting my heels I’m about an taller than he is. He was flabbergasted at some of the stuff the old psychiatrist had me on. He halved the Wellbutrin (I knew I was taking too much!), took me off of Zoloft because in high doses (250mg here!) can cause anxiety. I weaning off Zoloft and started on a low dose of Paxil which seems to work better with chronic anxiety. My night-night medication stayed the same, and he gave a script for Ativan to take daily until my system “finally comes together [his worlds not mine]. Nice guy.

The Jackson 4 has never celebrated Thanksgiving with a traditional turkey and stuffing meal. No sir. Every year I pull out my two Bon Apetit cookbooks and one Gourmet magazine and write down a bunch of choices. From thousands of pages we whittled the choices down to about 80 or so. We agreed easily enough on the app, wanted to try lamp chops for the protein since we’ve never had lamb, I chose the starch, and J chose the veggie. Dessert was unanimous:  Pumpkin praline tiramisu.

I’m so glad to have made some friends here. The first is Cha from Australia I believe ( with a handy dandy number of  Her endearing message to me:  Ur a pig. Not funny. Get off MWOP. U suck.”   Thanks for taking the time to write in, Cha. Now piss off.

My new friend seems equally as lovely. Her name is Coco and writes to us from  and an ID of Carmen your such a fucking hypocrite.  You think you are the queen of mwop and all you are is a fat attention seeker. Go take care of your kids or better yet clean your pigsty house. You make me sick and you are the laughing stock of mwop.  What in the fuck are we, Coco? Thirteen year old girls You wanna come and pull my hair before I dig my fingers in your eyes? Sheesh.

I am the very first one will stand honestly and proudly and talk about my mistakes, problems, shortcomings, etc. I choose to rag on Jennifer not to be mean but total incredulity and in hopes that the bitch will get her shit together. I don’t care what all of you think of me. I invited folks to join me for Thanksgiving if they didn’t have any family or were lonely. Got downvoted there (boo fucking hoo). I made mention how to help survivors of Super Typhoon Hiyuan by texting numbers and each text worth $10. Got pissed on that one too. I offered some comforting words to a fellow MWOPer going through a miscarriage—even got downvoted there. . Some of you bitches just need to grow up and put on your big girl panties. I don’t have to hide behind an email name or vote someone down just because I can remain anonymous. That’s all I imagine:  a pen full of yellow bellied chickens.  Speaking of chicken I need to pull dinner out of the freezer.