Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

I have been overweight most of my life. What started out as 10 extra pounds as a 10 year old has become (with the help of my friends depression, night shift, divorce, and babies) an extra 120 lbs. I passed big-boned in middle school and am technically morbidly obese today. I have yo-yo dieted off and on over the years, and hopefully next month I will be scheduled for my gastric bypass surgery. I am not trying to take the easy weigh out (pun intended), but I need help. While not diabetic or hypertensive right now I know I probably will be in the future.

As someone who has earnestly battled weight problems and the associated self-esteem issues since the age of 10, I get really, seriously pissed off when people try and hock diet pills to make a quick buck. There is nothing out there that will melt your fat, let you eat what you want and lose weight, and let you lose a shit-ton of weight and keep it off forever. That said, there is a used-to-be-well-known-and-liked mommy blogger that touts an all-natural weight loss system consisting of vitamins, pills that provide energy naturally (read:  ton of caffeine), all natural pills that help you flush out your system (read:  laxatives), and magical sprinkles that reduce the caloric content of your food by 25%. I didn’t make that last part up; such magical sprinkles apparently exist. This blogger is playing on the hopes and struggles of heavyset women who read her blog and hang on her every word. About 100 of them have forked over $300 or more for a months supply because the blogger swears by it. The blogger is, in fact, a representative of the company; she is making money hand over fist off of these women. She has earned well over $15,000 in 6 weeks or so as well as free trip to Sundance, UT (so she says) and an invite to the company convention in Sin City. She is slinging pills left and right as part of a pyramid, or MLM, scheme; think of it as Mary Kay for diet pills. She has her upline; she’s recruiting people to be her downline. She gets paid for everything she sells. And she offers medical advice to boot, like this stuff cures migraines and is cool to take while breastfeeding.

So, you know what? I’m going to try a day of this program. You can buy a program containing several different products, and there is a special 8-day regimen that you do to jump start things; it’s a mixture of their supplements and very few calories. I’ve examined the ingredients, checked caffeine amounts, etc., and I have decided that tomorrow I am going to blog my experiences:  how I feel, my blood pressure, whether or not I’m hungry, what I eat, how often I poop, etc. I have broken it down per the regimen’s instructions:

First things in the morning I would take one X pill. X pill contains 90mg of caffeine, a high level of B-vitamins, and other vitaminny type ingredients. I will take a multivitamin along with my B-complex vitamin (have to take extra B vitamins, folic acid, and iron because I’m anemic) and 6-8 oz coffee. In lieu of their special protein shake I will have 3/4 cup nonfat Greek yogurt with splenda for roughly the same amount of calories and protein.

Mid morning I will eat 4-6 oz lean meat.

For lunch I will eat 3/4 cup nonfat Greek yogurt with splenda for roughly the same calories and protein as their shake.

An hour of so after lunch I will take 2 of  A pill. A pills contain green tea, guarana, and kola nut (caffeine!) so I will have 6 oz green tea and 12 oz sugar-free Red Bull to meet my guarana/caffeine needs.

Mid afternoon I will again eat 4-6 oz lean meat.

Early evening I am supposed to take another X pill, so I will have 6 oz. coffee.

Dinner will be more yogurt in lieu of a shake.

Now at bedtime I am supposed to take the F pills. F pills contain senna and psyllium husk, which are all-natural, but are better known to most people as Senokot laxatives and Metamucil. I am going to take mine tonight so that I have it in my system for tomorrow (as it would be in my system if I did this stupid plan for more than one day).

Wish my husband luck because he is off tomorrow and has to put up with my shenanigans.


4 thoughts on “Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

  1. I love your comments on MWOP and think you are hilarious BUT, (notice it wasn't a BUTT), please be careful. I know you are planning surgery in a month for your weight and I would hate for you to jeopardize your health with so much caffeine intake so your surgery could be delayed. Other than that…..I love ya and will follow this blog!!! p.s. my ….. were sharky to BMM! Glassy

  2. Thanks girl. I won't let anything jeopardize my health or surgery, and I'm going about this with the intent of monitoring my BP, heartrate, and how I feel. Any signs of caffeine toxicity or lightheadedness and I'm pulling the plug. Honestly. SWWNBN does this for days on end, and is up to what, 3 cycles? I just want to see what 1 day is like. Maybe that'll explain her moods.

  3. My mom is having gastric bypass in two weeks. She now has diabetes and high BP and lots of other risk factors. She needs to lose about 85 lbs. I can't believe how many people think they should share their opinions on her having it. And how many people seem to think it's a vanity procedure. As if she would go through this horrible recovery simply to be thinner. Good luck!

  4. Good luck to your mom! I had a friend who chose gastric bypass but never changed her eating habits properly. She got down to a size 8 and now, 2 years after surgery, is a size 18. It is a life-changing operation!

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