My Baby Pooped!

I know it’s probably not cool to title a blog post after the defecating habits of my 10 month old, but lately we get excited ’round these parts when P poops because he has been so constipated after we switched formulas. Good job, buddy! Mama is proud of you! It is funny, however, that the little tyke will only do #2 when he is in his exersaucer. We laugh and laugh when he gets fussy and antsy, and we know that it isn’t nap or bottle time. I plop him down, and he immediately does his business (when he’s not constipated). I just love that funny little guy; he is my chubby blob of cuteness.

As for me, I’ve had a rough morning as a single mother. Did I tell you my husband left us? He did. Anyway, I went into the kitchen this morning, half awake mind you, to make a pot of coffee. I got it going then sojourned to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Upon putting the brush in my mouth and taking a few swipes at my teeth I discovered that I didn’t use toothpaste; I used diaper cream, and this particular diaper cream is thick and sticky. I’m gargling water and gagging, gargling and gagging, gargling and gagging. The problem is this:  water will not remove this cream from the skin, and, as I discovered, water won’t remove it from teeth either. The only thing that removes this gunky cream is a baby wipe. I knew what I had to do. I grabbed a baby wipe and wiped my teeth and gums down. It tasted so awful. Even as I type this I still have a vague, sticky feeling along my teeth and gums, and when I burped a second ago I swear I tasted Pampers Sensitive brand wipes. So, after the tooth brushing debacle, I head into the kitchen for some coffee and find that I have brewed a pot of hot water. I forgot to put coffee grounds in the coffeemaker. *facepalm* To make matters worse, as I was doing housework this morning I kept having wedgies; my underwear would not stay out of my butt. I went to pee and realized that I had put my panties on backward this morning as well. As a precaution, I don’t think I’m going to leave the house today or operate any vehicles and heavy machinery.

My grocery store (a major chain store) sent me a leaflet in the mail yesterday with 4 coupons for their “Most Loyal and Valued Customers!” Those coupons totaled a whopping $1.60 in savings. Are you fucking kidding me?!? And to save $0.40 on each item I had to buy two of them! Really, Frys? You can’t help a mama out with more than $1.60 in savings?

I’m off to make G breakfast and do some laundry.

Snort out!

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13 thoughts on “My Baby Pooped!

  1. Great post Snort! I really needed the laugh today.Thank you I look forward to reading your posts. Can I be in your super special gals group? Oh please please? Mckjailbound

  2. Oh lordy! I'm well known for putting my undies on backwards and inside out. And I can't blame it on being half asleep. I'm just not paying very much attention to putting them on. I hope your day got better!'I_Smell_the_Smelly_Smell'

  3. If it makes you feel any better I once brushed with Preperation H (or however the hell you spell that).What happened was this.Lightbulb in the biffy was burned out and I had a mother of a head cold and could not smell/taste/see a damn thing.So there I was doing my groove thang and wondering why the fuck I was having a hard time rinsing my mouth out.Turns out that shit really is a pain in the ass..to rinse out of your mouth that is.

  4. lol Nah, there used to be a cough syrup called Turpenhydrate that literally had turpentine in it. Turns out lice shampoo actually tastes worse. It was a blackout, no power to see what she was taking. Turns out it was non-toxic, just didn't help with her cough!

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