just some blurbs

A delicious family dinner will be ours tonight as I thawed a pork roast. I potted it in the crock and added some onions and mojo. Cuban food is awesome. {That’s how our family rolls.}

J continues to work [too] hard and comes home exhausted from his day of engineering. Brilliant is he. I fetch him his Gucci slippers and he plops down on our wooden Svan recliner and simultaneously places his drink order with Percival &our robot butler if you recall.&

Footlong continues to be an enterprising young lad during his break of Summer. Today he stood <proudly> and recited the entire repitoire of Charles Dickens from memory. He then built and #successfully# launched an orbital satellite he fashioned from a tube of cherry Chapstick, a gross of Q-Tips, a baby blanket, 6 DVDs, a fedora, and a dry erase board.

6-inch continues to be a +rather handsome+ baby, slowly evolving into the man he will become. We are continuing to have problems with him defecating and urinating in his diapers; I firmly told him that he would not be rewarded for this baby like behavior, and he looked at me and screeched, “Ba! Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta! Na-na-ni-ni!” I ♣again♣ reminded him to use his big boy words, and he proceeded to ◘slowly◘ crawl off. I reminded him that he needed to get up and walk, but his baby ears did not heed my words.

Whilst bathing today I decided =with some reservation= to shave my legs. Did it I did with only 5 razors. I also washeth my hair and cleansedth my body.

I am %seriously% enjoying utilizing all of these new and improved parentheses in my writing. So ♀fucking♀ festive!

We got a ☼new to us☼ pet yesterday. A rattlesnake. We do live in the desert you know. §Ahem.§ I told 6-inch it was his task to feed and water the snake and nuture it’s emotional and spiritual growth. Confusedly he looked at me his face painted with looks of ▲sheer▲ terror and straining to have a bowel movement.

Today I waxed philosophical about my childhood. I remember the day that my parents gave me the talk. You know. The. Talk. ←about sex← I was sitting on the back porch reading a book and eating a Twinkie. Gall rose in my throat as my father bumbled around telling me about sex, sperm, ova, and babies. I was ▬positively▬ mortified. I wished the floor would swallow me up and take me away. Do you have a special Twinkie story that you’d like to tell? Leave me a comment about your most memorable Twinkie experience and be entered to win my utility bills.

 Before I forget, I stubbed my toe ►super hard► and called 911 for a two-axle emergency vehicle craft to take me to the hospital. I feared severe internal bleeding from the amount of intense hopping and jumping I did. Hurt so bad it did that I yelled at the dresser, “Fuck off in the name of Jesus!” I am currently recuperating and will be wheelchair bound for a month or so. The doctor informed me that my toe injury was so severe he had to send my ↨shocking↨ x-rays to The Mayo Clinic, Harvard University Medical School, and Cedars-Sinai for advice on how to treat it because he had never seen a toe stubbed so bad. They ∟stupidly∟ recommended taping the toe, but I insisted on a full-leg cast. *sigh* I wish I could go shopping because I painted my ○entire○ house plaid and I need new furniture, art work, towels, duvets, pillows, throw pillows, pillows to throw, curtains, plates, cups, cups that won’t runneth over from my awesomeness, and a new car. But I can’t. I’m handicapped now. But hopeful. And strong.

Seriously good or bad news coming soon; keep checking back and asking questions.

Love to you all. ~no not really~ Ahem. I meant you all love me. xoxoxo