Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!?

For M, on chemo Friday  ♥

So much for a vacation, right? Thank you all for telling me how much you still want me to blog. Either you’re really, really bored or you like it here. I figure its a tossup.

Today’s “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!?” post is inspired by toys. Yes, toys. At heart I’m just an awkward juvenile with braces and scabbed knees.

I was looking online to get some ideas of what to get 6-inch for his first birthday next month. I came across this:

Are you fucking kidding me? An automated rickshaw? Wow. Nothing says love like buying your kid a toy that will pull their lazy asses around the house because walking is sooooooooooo last season.On the plus side it would free up alot of time for me to not have teach 6-inch how to walk. I also guess it is better than spending $1000 on a stroller or allowing my kids to play horsey with the family pet (Bob the betta fish). Added bonus? I don’t have to take Footlong to school anymore nor do I have to pick him up. I also don’t have to tip the rickshaw dude.

I have also decided not to waste time teaching 6-inch about potty training. I’m going to implement an independent study program for him utilizing these:

Are you fucking kidding me? A plush urine droplet and cuddly (literal) piece of shit? Fucking hell. I was turned off by the names and  tried to find potty toys named Urinate & Defecate, but I guess they were sold out.

My Maw-Maw and Paw-Paw gave me a play kitchen for my third birthday. I loved that kitchen. I remember having some play foods, like plastic fruits and generic cardboard boxes that said “noodles” or “crackers.”  And play food today?

Are you fucking kidding me? Toy sushi? Look at this thing! Chopsticks, wasabi, ginger, a soy sauce bowl, and all kinds of little sushi rolls (yuck). Seriously? What is next? The kids Benihana grilling playset with grill, knives, spatula, squirt bottles of oil and “Japanese Coca-Cola,” and toy shrimp, rice, eggs, veggies, steak, and scallops? The kids toy food truck with Korean tacos and venison sliders?

I had a friend in kindergarten that loved to play house. She had a pretend vacuum and a plastic broom. Today?

You can buy the Kiddy Cleaning Trolley! Are you fucking kidding me? What? They don’t have toy motel rooms you can buy to go with it? Personally this toy kind of creeps me out. I’m not sure why. But hey…..it’s only $34.99.

And lastly, here is a gem that was (at one time) sold in the toy department of Tesco, the largest chain-store in Britain:

The kids Peekaboo stripper pole! Are you fucking kidding me? Some pervert actually invented and marketed a stripper pole (with garter, toy money, and DVD of dance moves!) to little girls?? Wow. Nothing says creepy than someone giving their kid this gift and saying, “You’re in second grade now, honey. It’s time to you learn to unleash your inner sex kitten!” *shudder*
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32 thoughts on “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?!?

  1. It makes me wonder what some people are thinking anymore.I was at the mall once and, along the lines of the stuffed "toys" above, I saw stuffed diseases. You know, like typhoid, STDs, etc. Completely grossed me out.Glad you didn't leave. I love your blog. 🙂

  2. We have the sushi play food and my sister (pharmacist) and her co-workers have some of the diseases at work (stuffed AND real!). Aside from that, remember Math is Hard Barbie?

  3. Where have I been? Just had to check into Pee and Poo. They're on Facebook and have their own website! Okey-Dokey then. So glad you didn't stay away for too long Snort, though I wouldn't blame you for taking a break from the crazy interwebz.

  4. Fucking sweet!!!!!No, not really. I would love to meet the parents that actually buy that or the stripper pole for their daughters. Worst. Parents. Ever.

  5. With all due respect, with all that has transpired the last few days, I am not giving my contact information to an anonymous person. I'm sorry.

  6. I do not remember Math is Hard Barbie. Growing up my all-time favorite Barbie was the punk rock "Barbie and the Rockers" dolls from 1986. I had Barbie, Diva, Dana, and Derek. I could never find Dee-Dee though 😦 I also had Peaches-N-Cream Barbie, Magic Moves Barbie (she could moves her arms up), and Crystal Barbie. I was more into my Pogo Ball and Garbage Pail Kids than Barbies.

  7. Well, Skirts, I never realized how many people actually liked my blog. I always thought maybe it was just 10 people that read, but each of them read 150-200 times a day. LOL!!! A day or two was all I needed 🙂

  8. To the anonymous MWOPer who left me the comment with some advice….thank you! I didn't want to publish the comment on here, but the hubby and I actually discussed that yesterday when I told him everything. Thank you for looking out for my best interests.

  9. I totally understand. I'm going through what you went through and I thought you could answer some questions about your situation. I am afraid to talk to anyone IRL. But I understand completely about privacy. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. (Even tho you don't know me, I read MWOP and have posted a few times) I just wanted to be totally anon with this. Thanks for replying back

  10. I'd be happy to answer some questions, and I understand that you want to be anonymous. If you like, you can leave me a comment telling me not to approve it, and I won't. You can ask or tell me whatever in that comment, and I'll leave a reply on here for you anonymously. That's the best I can do right now 🙂

  11. I took narcotics only after coming home from work. I worked 3 days a week, and I didn't use on my days off. That may not be a full-fledged "addiction" in the terms you would think, but it got to the point where I couldn't relax after work unless I had them. Sad but true. My rehab counselor told me something that stuck with me: she said that if you are using a prescription medication in a way it is not intended (like using pain pills to unwind, space out, or because you like the feeling) or using more than prescribed (taking too many pain pills or doubling up on sleeping pills, xanax, etc.) then that is a good indicator of an underlying issue like depression, anxiety, burnout, etc. Have you thought about why you take what you do? Do you find yourself looking forward for that time of day when you know you can take them because they provide a release or you enjoy the sensation of being stoned or sleepy?

  12. OMG..that pee and poo plush had me really laughing out loud!! But what really made me laugh was how you put snuggling up to that piece of shit..too f'ing funny!!!And that children's stripper pole thing disgusted me!I love the things you find to post about though!!

  13. Too ridiculously funny! Glad you're back. Please don't go away again? Do you still have my email address? PrincessofSpam the Cuban? If so could you drop me a line? I have ??? Regarding bariatric surgery which I am in the process of. I meet my surgeon Friday for the first time.

  14. Is it okay to admit I am bored AND I love your laugh-out-loud funny posts? It doesn't have to be a tossup… it can be both! ;)I'm glad you didn't stay away for long. Your fans need you! 🙂

  15. To be perfectly honest, admitting that you do have a problem is the biggest hurdle. When you can admit that and not tell yourself, "I'm just tired" or "It's not like I'm doing illegal drugs" then you are ready for help. I was ashamed and terrified to have to tell J and my family what was going on, but I was supported and loved. You can talk to your doctor about it—-believe me when I tell you that you have no idea how many functioning addicts there are. You would NEVER be able to tell just by looking at them. You are not alone, and you are not the only person to have this problem. I'm around here if you need me 🙂

  16. My son got the cleaning cart for Christmas one year. He was completely obsessed with vacuums at the time, so we took a chance that he might like it. He freaking loved it and dragged it around with him everywhere, although I finally had to get him a "real" spray bottle, because the one that came with it didn't spray. I did wonder who else was buying that for their kid, though. My husband had the exact same reaction that you did when I brought that thing home!So glad you're back!

  17. WTF? toy SHIT!? And people thought I was crazy for buying Baby Alive Wets and Wiggles Anatomically Correct boy dolls for the twins. Hey!…at least the dolls show the boys how to go potty. And Scottiwog has been "feeding" the "baby" so he can see it pee, yet HE refuses to sit on the potty…so maybe that has backfired on me but oh, well. Maybe I should try the toy "stripper pole" next? Just sayin'.

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