One Seriously Boring Saturday

Today has just been one boring day. I don’t mean the good boring kind where you are so glad to be home and not rushing around from activity to activity; this boring is the really boring kind. That sentence is even boring. Sorry.

J had to work today which has gotten to be the norm. He and his team are working on a pretty tight deadline, and he has been putting in 6 day work weeks for the better part of a year. Nothing at all going on with him. He is boring too.

Footlong has had diarrhea today, and, sadly, that was the only thing of note today.He ran to me in a panic holding a pair of dirty underwear crying, “Mama! I couldn’t help it! Lots of tee-tee-poo-poo-water was coming out of my butt, and I couldn’t stop it!” I vacillated between laughing and cleaning him off. I love his description of diarrhea, though.

6-inch has had a boring day as well. He was on my bedroom floor playing with toys, and I went to pee. I came back 45 seconds later and found him in my closet gnawing on a high heel.

I needed to go to Costco today, but I just didn’t feel like it. I fucking hate Costco. I would rather have a flaming case of herpes than to battle the sample-hungry crowds at the Warehouse From Hell today. I think we’ll wait until the Footlong is sans tee-tee-poo-poo-water and just make it a family trip tomorrow so I can make J lift all the heavy stuff.

I was reading my beloved Buzzfeed today, and they had a group of pictures from Playgirl models in the 1970s. If this is what was considered sexy 30+ years ago then I weep for the women that slept with them.

Nothing says sexy like sodomizing a tiger cub. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

“Hello?!? A little help here!! My dick seems to be caught in the mast. My bad!!”

Channeling Burt Reynolds in “Deliverance” is hardly sexy.
Here’s hoping he got his junk slammed in the car door.
“Jes, baby, jou know jou wan summa dis. Look a my big sipper. And I’m holding a brown cigarette. And my chest hair ith a fire hathard.”  Yeah, I totally imagine that this guy talks like Agador Spartacus in “The Birdcage.”
Now do you see how bored I am today?

19 thoughts on “One Seriously Boring Saturday

  1. I've only seen one issue of Playgirl in my entire life, and that was a gift from a co-worker when I turned 18. Back then in the 90s they had mullets, wore airbrushed t-shirts, and posed on the hood of their Camero.

  2. We were on our own today as well as DH has quarter end stuff at work but we managed to spend lots of time outside in the backyard. You could have come over until I read about the diarrhea…poor footlong.I go to a super quiet Costco ! (I know kind of unheard of but it's build around a bunch of farms and I guess farmers don't shop as much as city folks). Hope you have a great Sunday !!

  3. OMG!!! I was in college in the 70's and unfortunately remember those hair styles. I don't like men with a lot of body hair, so I had trouble looking at that one and flipped by quickly. So glad I decided to get online tonight as I have had a rat's ass day and needed a good dose of SNORT :)–Mari

  4. Let me start by saying I usually love reading your blog– I find you funny and often very charming, but I think you've crossed a line with this post. I've witnessed your criticizm of JM for invading her kids' privacy by posting about their bodily functions and personal business on her blog (as many have done on MWOP), but you've done the same thing in this post. I don't think your eldest would love to know you've shared this information with the world wide web, and if he doesn't mind it now, I am quite sure in 2-3 years' time he will find this humiliating. I know you don't use his name, but you have given your full name in a previous post, so he could easily come across this post when he gets older– as could his friends. I definitely think you are a good person and a great mom, but I think you may need to edit this post to protect your son's privacy about an embarrassing situation. I hope you don't think I've posted this to be snarky or mean– I just think this story may be better suited to a baby book or journal, not your public blog.

  5. Haha! The first first issue of Playgirl I saw was the one with Burt Reynolds in it. I was amazed they were going to show a fully naked guy! The thrill fell flat when I found out they didn't show all the "sexy bits". What a teaser!Tragically ACCURATE

  6. You've made a good point, and thank you for expressing it in a civilized way. I guess I didn't think twice about posting it because the description was so funny.

  7. Thanks for replying in such a civilized way! It's awesome that people can engage in discussion on the internet without arguing. I guess I've been doing a lot (a lot) of thinking lately about what I post about my own kids (facebook, instagram, etc.– I'm not a blogger). There are moments from my own childhood that I definitely wouldn't want to be public– more for family-only consumption… and the mandated embarrassing rehearsal dinner/graduation party anecdote. Anyway, I want to afford them the same level of privacy that I had during my pre-internet childhood.

  8. The voice you put with that last comment made me burst out laughing. Good thing I wasn't drinking or eating. I could totally hear him speaking to me with that accent. Such a great start to my Monday morning! I just love you Snort!!

  9. I enjoy reading your blog as well! I find it funny and it brightens my day! I feel the photos crossed the line. I for one havene ER opened up one if these magazines! I find them shamefully and it disgraces me to say I have now seen such photos. I know it is your blog and you can post as you wish. But I may have to reconsider about reading here.

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