Live Chat!

We’ve got a live chat going on here at The [SNORT] Files tonight. As the questions pop up I will answer them as I see fit. Ready? Let’s go!

Snort, what was the last thing you ate?

The most delicious key lime pie. It was homemade. The crust was crushed chick peas, and the filling was made with the leftover lime juice/garlic/salt/onion marinade I had marinated raw chicken in. After I removed the chicken from the bowl, I poured the leftover lime juice over the crust and added a bottle of agave nectar and a cup of chia seeds to sweeten and “set” the goo. The kids raved about it.

What sounds do you hear right now?

I hear Footlong giving an interview to 20/20 about child prodigies, and I hear 6-inch crying because he is stuck in the toilet.

What is your favorite season?

That’s a hard one, but I would have to say my favorite season is whichever one gives me the most attention. Birthday season is good, and single mother season is good. World famous mommy blogger season ain’t half bad, and any season where people worship or complement me is enjoyed.

Um…..I meant which of the four seasons during the year: spring, summer, fall, or winter?

I’m sorry, did you have a question? I’m quite certain I answered that as best as I could. Hope that helps!

You and Mr. Snort have been through a bankruptcy. Where are you guys living?

We currently live in a yurt. No, not really. We live in a modest rental home, and we have downsized our living since the BK. Our rental is 31,000 sq feet, 16 bedrooms, 18 baths, 2 kitchens, formal living room, informal living room, casual living room, secret living room, gym, theater, salon, wine cellar, mini-ocean complete with tropical desert island, and 13 pools (6 indoor, 7 outdoor).

Why do you cuss so much?

I don’t have any fucking clue what you are talking about. I don’t cuss, dammit. I use sparkly, sentence enhancing words. I’m sorry you misunderstood, asshat.

What kind of fun summertime activities do you and the kids enjoy?

Um, gosh I don’t really know. I’m always on the computer, my phone, or watching my media viewing screen. I don’t know what the kids are doing and whether or not they like it.

You have mentioned that you are an atheist. Do J, Footlong, and 6-inch choose to worship?

They worship me. If I am not worshipped enough I have to drop hints or get sick. *cough, cough*. Did you hear that? *cough, cough* I think I have tuberculosis. What should I do?

What is your favorite word?

ME.

What kind of perfume do you wear?

I don’t need perfume. My farts smell like stargazer lilies. I’m working with a company to bottle the fragrance. You’re welcome!

If you could be anybody for a day who would you be?

What a fantastic idea! Guys, I’m currently having a contest, and the winner will get to be me for a day! Keep checking back for the details.

I love the sound of rain. What sounds do you love?

The lilting, melodious sounds of my own voice and the “BEEP!” sound a cash register makes when it scans things.

Do you sing to 6-inch?

I sure do, mainly early-mid 90’s gangsta rap.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Going vajazzling.

This is obviously a work of fiction. No live chat took place. We had fried fish, coleslaw, and baked potatoes for dinner. The key lime pie I ate was the frozen kind. 6-inch doesn’t like gangsta rap. I do not have TB nor do I vajazzle. If you believed a word of what I wrote above then you are an idiot. Seriously.

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15 thoughts on “Live Chat!

  1. But alas, you neglected to answer:1.) Do you use (and allow your MSC and furry family members to use) your carpeted areas and hardwood floors as an outhouse;2.) Do you leave various food products to rot openly throughout your house to time just how long it would take for a roach and rat infestation would commence?3.) Do you use your expansive floor space as one ginormous diaper genie?4.) When your littles are out of diapers and you are out of feminine hygiene products, do you have an open family policy that permits all members to hop onto the nearest upholstered furniture pieces and relieve themselves comfortably atop a cushioned mound and then use the drapes hanging in close proximity to those drapes for more adequate wiping of fecal and urine byproducts?If not, I know someone who does. I hear MckMama's combining her fauxto classes with worshops on how to live like a pig on someone else's dime and get away with it!MckMama: Pissing, Shitting and Wiping Her and Her Kid's and Her Dog's and Her Cat's Asses On Your Rented Floors One City At a Time! As a Bonus, She'll Use Your Home As a Rumpke Dump!(Can I just say that woman is one fugly honkin' schnoz lookin' beheamoth?!)

  2. *sigh* The live chat is closed, but I will answer your questions, dear reader:1. We only urinate and defecate on surfaces that will absorb our bodily functions. Carpet? Yes. Hardwood floors? No. 2. No, but that sounds like an excellent science experiment!3. No, our floor isn't a giant diaper genie. I make 6-inch change his own diapers. I don't know what he does with them. 4. We never run out of diapers—we use towels, washcloths, J's shirts, etc. As for feminine hygiene products, I looked into an environmentally friendly solution, like the Diva Cup, but decided to save myself the $30 dollars so I menstuate into a Tupperware bowl. LOL. Obviously the Jackson family uses toilets, toilet paper, diapers, wipes, and a Diva cup. Our house is cluttered with toys but is clean: clean kitchen, clean bathrooms, clean linens, vacuumed floors, and dusted furniture.

  3. Good answers, Snort! So happy to hear your house isn't used as a communal shitter and that you're relatively hygienic : ) Man, I need to proofread shit before I post.Speaking of noses that shouldn't have anything drilled into them that could possibly draw more attention to their enormity, did anyone notice in the Live! Chat w/ Mega Schnoz that she replied to someone asking whether or not Icky was traveling to Not Vegas w/ her with something like, "We had hoped he could, but in the end it didn't work out" or "We talked about it, but in the end it wouldn't have worked" — I haven't seen it discussed over at MWOP.The thought that they were on the same page w/ their marriage and then eight days later, oops, they weren't after all to, oops, yeah we are back on the same page again and moving toward reconciliation with mentors and voo doo dolls to traveling together to a pill pushing convention?! Something's not smelling right.And I bet all four limbs they ARE going on the road around Aug. 10th (eviction day) to conveniently do fauxto shoots together. He as the babysitter/whipping boy and she as the well hung pants wearer again. I don't think she was ever going to do shoots around the Not Vegas trip, but later in the Summer instead.Not a communal shitter either.

  4. Love you Snort. I can't wait until you read the latest mck=mess drama. I bet we will get a great post from you on the mck=mess. I bet it will be a soda snorting one.

  5. I want a t-shirt that says "My House Is Not A Communal Shitter."A very reputable gal over at MWOP has said on many occasions that Israel does NOT want a reconciliation or anything else to do with Mega Schnoz. I think Jennifer just hopes and dreams and plays the sheeple into thinking they might get back together.

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