We’ve got a live chat going on here at The [SNORT] Files tonight. As the questions pop up I will answer them as I see fit. Ready? Let’s go!
Snort, what was the last thing you ate?
The most delicious key lime pie. It was homemade. The crust was crushed chick peas, and the filling was made with the leftover lime juice/garlic/salt/onion marinade I had marinated raw chicken in. After I removed the chicken from the bowl, I poured the leftover lime juice over the crust and added a bottle of agave nectar and a cup of chia seeds to sweeten and “set” the goo. The kids raved about it.
What sounds do you hear right now?
I hear Footlong giving an interview to 20/20 about child prodigies, and I hear 6-inch crying because he is stuck in the toilet.
What is your favorite season?
That’s a hard one, but I would have to say my favorite season is whichever one gives me the most attention. Birthday season is good, and single mother season is good. World famous mommy blogger season ain’t half bad, and any season where people worship or complement me is enjoyed.
Um…..I meant which of the four seasons during the year: spring, summer, fall, or winter?
I’m sorry, did you have a question? I’m quite certain I answered that as best as I could. Hope that helps!
You and Mr. Snort have been through a bankruptcy. Where are you guys living?
We currently live in a yurt. No, not really. We live in a modest rental home, and we have downsized our living since the BK. Our rental is 31,000 sq feet, 16 bedrooms, 18 baths, 2 kitchens, formal living room, informal living room, casual living room, secret living room, gym, theater, salon, wine cellar, mini-ocean complete with tropical desert island, and 13 pools (6 indoor, 7 outdoor).
Why do you cuss so much?
I don’t have any fucking clue what you are talking about. I don’t cuss, dammit. I use sparkly, sentence enhancing words. I’m sorry you misunderstood, asshat.
What kind of fun summertime activities do you and the kids enjoy?
Um, gosh I don’t really know. I’m always on the computer, my phone, or watching my media viewing screen. I don’t know what the kids are doing and whether or not they like it.
You have mentioned that you are an atheist. Do J, Footlong, and 6-inch choose to worship?
They worship me. If I am not worshipped enough I have to drop hints or get sick. *cough, cough*. Did you hear that? *cough, cough* I think I have tuberculosis. What should I do?
What is your favorite word?
What kind of perfume do you wear?
I don’t need perfume. My farts smell like stargazer lilies. I’m working with a company to bottle the fragrance. You’re welcome!
If you could be anybody for a day who would you be?
What a fantastic idea! Guys, I’m currently having a contest, and the winner will get to be me for a day! Keep checking back for the details.
I love the sound of rain. What sounds do you love?
The lilting, melodious sounds of my own voice and the “BEEP!” sound a cash register makes when it scans things.
Do you sing to 6-inch?
I sure do, mainly early-mid 90’s gangsta rap.
What are you doing tomorrow?
This is obviously a work of fiction. No live chat took place. We had fried fish, coleslaw, and baked potatoes for dinner. The key lime pie I ate was the frozen kind. 6-inch doesn’t like gangsta rap. I do not have TB nor do I vajazzle. If you believed a word of what I wrote above then you are an idiot. Seriously.