Totally Random Friday

For M. on chemo Friday  ♥

Last night I had awful, awful dreams about Scientology. In my weekly gossip magazines I, of course, have been reading claptrap about Tom Cruise and his “religion.” I put that in quotations because in my book a “religion” doesn’t count if it’s founder was a science fiction writer who believes people on Earth hail from the planet Xenu. Anyway, I was reading things online about Scientology before bed so naturally I dreamed about it. In the dream I went in a Scientology center to use the bathroom or something else benign, and I was not allowed to leave until I had a session with the e-meter. Scientologists started invading every aspect of my life until they finally put me under house arrest until I agreed to join their “religion.”  Creepy. As. Fuck.

The [SNORT] Files is searchable online, and blogger allows me to see what search phrases people are using. 99% of them say things like “snort files,” “snort files MWOP,” “snort blog,” and the like. Here are some other things that have landed folks here:  “Jennifer McKinney lies,” “Mckmama photoshop,” “Mckmama bankruptcy,” “Burt Reynolds dick,” “chubby naked saddle shoes,” “Burt Reynolds pornstar,” “hunger in Nunavut,” “make me laugh,” “make me laugh so hard I snort,” “Mckmama Xyng,” “where to get the best footlong,” “wood riding toy,” “nurse + drug addiction,” “anal bleaching,” and….wait for it….”vajazzling.” For the record….there is no picture of Burt Reynold’s junk on my blog; I made a comment on my post about 70’s Playgirl models about Burt Reynolds in “Deliverance,” but Burt’s wee wee isn’t here. And what in the fuck is a chubby naked saddle shoe?

6-inch is celebrating his first birthday today! Happy Birthday my beautiful little man!! 6-inch was born by c-section and was 7 lb 14 oz and 19 inches long. He had brown fuzz on his head and started sleeping through the night when he was 8 weeks old. Fast forward a year and I have a happy, healthy, giggly 24 pound man who still has brown fuzz on his head. He has gray eyes, 6 teeth, and nobody can make this kid laugh like Footlong can. He loves toys with wheels and will stop whatever he is doing to watch “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs.” He hates being read to (probably because he hates sitting still) and is just now eating baby food a good bit. He refuses to eat solid food. He crawls lightning fast and can walk if he is holding on to something. He goes to bed at 9:30 or 10:00 pm and sleeps until 7:00 am. 6-inch loves hearing me sing his special song, and he hates being in a poopy diaper. He makes every single minute of my life a joy  ♥

I ate crab legs last night.

I can’t get the Matchbox 20 song “She’s So Mean” out of my noggin.

Я думаю о принятии русские классы в местном колледже, потому что Rosetta Stone оставляет желать лучшего.

J gave me a foot rub last night that made my eyes roll back in my head. I may have drooled too.

I hate touchscreen phones and refuse to own one. Blackberry fo’ life, bitches!

This summer so far has been relatively cool as far as Tucson summers are concerned. We’ve only been above 110 a handful of days—usually it is weeks and weeks. The monsoons have been good as well although we have been hit with flash floods.

I ordered some Priority Mail boxes online from the post office. They are free. I ordered 10 large boxes (for Nunavut food shipments) and 5 boxes that hold board games. Some idiot at the post office sent me 5 boxes of game board boxes. Each box contains 25 boxes. I now own 125 Priority Mail gameboard boxes. Are you fucking kidding me?

My last hurdle to getting gastric bypass surgery is an appointment with the pulmonologist next week. If he clears me I can then submit everything (and by everything I mean paperwork from the dietician, psychologist, my primary care doctor, and a cardiologist) to the insurance company for approval. I’m sooooooo ready!

I love putting lemon wedges in my glasses of water.

When I get bored one of my favorite things to do is get on Google Translate and send a random sentence through a myriad of languages to see what I end up with. The sentence I’ll use right now is, “Some people are complete narcissists but will one day get what is coming to them.”  I started in English then translated that into Russian, then into Chinese, then into Danish, then into Afrikkans, then into Arabic, followed by Thai, then back to English. The final product:  “Jennifer McKinney is full of crap.”  No, no, just kidding. The final product was, “Daffodils are one, but one day.” Huh? It loses something in translation, doesn’t it? LOL

I am so excited that “Arrested Development” is being reborn as a web series followed by an “Arrested Development” movie. I’m so excited I may just go to the movie theater to see it dressed as a Blue Man and driving a stair car while having bouts of vertigo like Lucille #2.


14 thoughts on “Totally Random Friday

  1. You can take the priority mail boxes to any post office and drop them off. They have to order their own supplies from the "Main Office" just like us and often have a hard time getting them. They are usually very grateful for any given to them (though 120 may be pushing that!! I assume you are keeping the 5 you intentionally ordered.) I will say that this has been my personal experience at Post Offices in two different states (CA & UT). If the AZ Post office workers yell at you and tell you where you can stick your fucking boxes, I will not accept blame and also, you misunderstood. 😉

  2. I know!!!!! I laughed so hard with the episode about Mr. F. They thought Charlize Theron's character was a spy code named Mr. F but her MRF bracelet stood for mentally retarded female. Her character was awesome!

  3. I am thinking of having gastric bypass myself. I haven't started the process yet, but my mother had it last year and had great success and we are going to start going to some of the group meetings. I think Mom has lost a total of 105-110 pounds. She looks amazing and feels pretty darn good too. Good luck!!!

  4. Those episodes took me a bit to appreciate. Now I love them. But, I have to say the whole family dynamics and complete & utter hilarity of those makes laugh uncontrollably. But, Buster is my fav….~yeah puking walls & all

  5. LOL, I like to play the translation game with song lyrics. One of my favourites was when at the end of the cycle a prime minister ended up eating my jam. The original was something like an empty stone mine. Actually, Xenu is not a planet, it's an evil creature.Lemon wedges go into my water, my cola, my other soft drinks, my tea, and my salmon.

  6. I'm glad I'm not the only one that likes to play the translation game!I think it was you who said at university you studied religion. Was Scientology included in that? I'm just curious.

Care to chime in with your $0.02?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s