I sometimes struggle with the idea of writing a blog. The thought lingers in the back of my mind that no one in their right mind would care to waste five minutes reading about the mundane things that make up my life. I know that a lot of you tell me I’m funny and make you laugh, but I can’t be funny everyday, can I? Survey says: no, no I can’t. In today’s post I will just write about whatever is going through my mind. Brace yourself for a potentially convoluted and boring shit storm.
I am in Olympic heaven! I love both the Winter and Summer Olympics, and I watch every single sport except for soccer and ice hockey. Since Saturday I have become versed in shooting (air rifle), archery, canoe/kayaking, handball (it’s soccer for your hands!), gymnastics, swimming, diving, synchronized diving, equestrian events, rowing, badminton, and weightlifting. I was really pissed off to read about the 8 female badminton players who were disqualified for not playing their best; they were, in fact, trying their best to lose so they would get an easier draw in the next round of play. Are you fucking kidding me? Who works their ass off to go to the Olympics and loses intentionally? Did they think no one would notice that they all of a sudden forgot how to hit the shuttle cock thingie? Jesus. That is like Michael Phelps jumping in the pool and doing the doggie paddle because he “forgot” his butterfly stroke. Speaking of the Olympics, I don’t know about y’all, but Danny Boyle’s opening ceremonies made me feel like I had dropped acid. I am so glad Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera were providing some narration because I would have had no fucking clue as to what was going on. In the span of two hours (or less) we went from pastoral England with live farm animals and Shakespeare to a psychedelic mish-mash of teenagers dancing and texting with steam towers, dancing nurses, Mr. Bean on keyboard, Her Majesty taking a flying leap with James Bond, and a giant Harry Potter villain thrown in for good measure. I mean no disrespect to any lovely Brits that may read here, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. At all. The torch is totally awesome though! I love that each country competing in the games is part of the final product.
I am a hot, sweaty mess right now. I just got through cooking dinner, and I’m so uncomfortable and nauseated that I didn’t even eat. I made a breakfast of sorts. I made frozen Potatoes O’Brien (I’m not sure who this O’Brien person is and why he has potatoes named after him, but the mix of potatoes, onions, and bell peppers is delicious), bacon, poached eggs, and Hollandaise sauce. I served the potatoes covered with diced bacon, sliced grape tomatoes then topped with the eggs and sauce. I sat down with my plate, and I swear to gawd that the food was mocking me. “You cooked for an hour, and look at this plate….it looks like lumpy vomit!” I had a glass of diet soda instead. Perhaps if I cut out diet soda and real food I could afford Xyngular. LOL. I made a funny.
I fucking hate PMS. Seriously. It is all I can do to not cram a pair of pliers up there, snatch out my uterus, and just be done with this monthly shit. I’m bloated, moody, exhausted, and no fun to be around right now. I also want an Oreo Blizzard. I hate it. My doctor wanted to put me back on birth control pills, but I refused. I do not want to be on birth control pills anytime close to having surgery because I am so worried about the increased risk of me developing a blood clot or pulmonary embolism, and then I will be one of those people calling the 1-800 number on TV because me or a loved one has experienced a potentially lethal side effect or died after taking Yaz. Thanks, but no thanks.
My cousin had a baby boy yesterday. Welcome to the world, Elijah James Bloodsworth!
Today was “Support Chick-Fil-A” day. Personally, I just think this whole thing is crap and has been blown out of proportion. I support and accept those in the LGBT community wholeheartedly. While I don’t agree with those who don’t support gay marriage, I recognize that they are entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. My favorite part is this: someone asked a conservative Christian man who doesn’t allow his restaurants to be open on Sundays what he thinks about gay marriage and then was shocked and outraged with what he said. Um, hello?!? Did you not see that one coming? If folks are making a big deal out of this where is it going to end up? Will every restaurant have to post their beliefs on the wall next to the nutritional info? “Hello, and thank you for choosing to eat at Xxxx today. We here at Xxxx are pro-choice, support the NRA, vote democrat, support Obamacare, think gays and lesbians are a-ok, and believe Muslims are terrorists. We believe in the death penalty, we think the trade embargo with Cuba should be lifted, we think all drugs except weed are bad, and we think rapists should have their dicks cut off. We make charitable contributions to Susan G. Komen, the Special Olympics, and our employees give old clothes to Goodwill on a regular basis. We hope this has helped you make an informed decision on whether or not you want to eat a burger here today.”
I am one of these people who will chew gum until the flavor runs out then I’ll swallow it. Like I just did right now. Speaking of chewing, folks who chew with their mouth open drive me batshit crazy. It is like watching someone feed at a trough. Close your mouth, please. And don’t slurp your soup or coffee either.
I’m off to watch more Olympics with J and 6-inch. Footlong is watching cartoons in the other room. G’night everyone.
P.S. These are my dream shoes. They are KG by Kurt Geiger “Kiki” platform heels from the summer of 2011. If any of you lovely people in the UK know where I can snag a pair please let me know because they are no longer being sold. Seriously. Size 9 US, size 7 UK.