Good morning y’all! Did you know that I say “y’all?” Well I do. It is because my college roommate’s brother’s ex-girlfriend’s second cousin was from Georgia, so that makes me a Southerner too! Y’all, y’all, y’all!
My Tuesday is going just smashingly. Really. It is. No, seriously. It is. Today I had a team building session via Skype with the Acme Rubber Band sales and design team, and I am so pumped! There were 12 of us skyping and sharing testimonials about these wonderful all-natural bands. I took a picture of myself skyping. See?
Do you or anyone you know suffer from a messy desk, disorganization, lost papers, breast cancer, hemorrhoids, ingrown toenails, heart disease, depression, or schizophrenia? If so you would be amazed at the healing powers these products have. I suffered horribly from being about 100 pounds overweight. I had no self-esteem and was so tired. Not anymore. Can you see how thin I am?
If you’re interested in these all-natural rubber bands and improving your quality of life to my level then shoot me an email at dotdotdotdotDOTdotATgmailDOTcom.
A wonderful dinner was ours last night. You didn’t know I could cook? Well I do! Ahem. I made homemade polenta and cashew butter and topped it with a mixture of canned tuna, cilantro, garbonzo beans, onion, habanero peppers, mustard greens, and raw eggs. I topped it with chia seeds, finishing salt, and Smucker’s Magic Shell ice cream topping. The kids raved about it! Mr. Snort praised me to no end. I don’t cuss but if I did which I will I’d say that I am too fucking awesome for words.
Footlong is enjoying his educational mentoring. At the brick and mortar training center. Last night he recited Poe’s “The Telltale Heart” and then did a wee bit of calculus. Graphing functions was his as I made him an egg and rubber band smoothie for brain power. He is so brilliant. Just this past weekend he built a California king bed out of a mirror, 3 guitar strings, a bag of cotton balls, a can of Lysol, and a handful of safety pins. I took a picture of him hard at work:
6-inch has been sick with pneumonia. I took him to the dr. but he said it was just a cold. Just a cold! I told him that I am almost a doctor and that my professional opinion was that 6-inch was approaching respiratory failure and needed to be institutionalized immediately where he could have access to scientists, more doctors, and free Wi-Fi to meet my Tweeting/Facebooking/Instagramming/Blogging/Emailing needs. We are at home now and 6-inch is completing a course of anabolic steroids. I figured that if he needed steroids for airway inflammation then we could just go ahead and use the ones to help him build muscle to boot. Just look at my babe before:
And look at sweetly smiling 6-inch after:
I don’t cuss except for when I do but if I did which I will I would say that I am fucking awesome at this mothering shit. Speaking of mothering, ahem, I took the kids to the park yesterday. Yes. I took a photo. See?
Look at how much fun their having! Afterwords I took them for McDonalds. I made them eat salad and I had a #10, super-mega-biggie-king-upsized, with a hairy goat milkshake. And since Instagram and blogs are nothing more than a vehicle for food photos, I took a picture of my meal for you my loyal fans:
Errrrr…..that’s not right. But look at what my wonderful products have done for me!