Over the weekend I….

…ate my first ever Napoleon. That thing was huge, and I was only able to eat half of it.

…shopped at TJ Maxx with my dear friend and spent $60 on a ton of size L clothes that were on clearance  🙂

…dared said friend to try on the ugliest outfit imaginable. She found these Richard Simmons-esque workout shorts that were covered in black and royal blue sequins. She topped that with a black shirt covered in gold, orange, and lime green sequins. We finished her off with some blue cowboy boots. She tried it on, and when she opened the door of the fitting room I starting laughing so hard that there was no sound coming out of my mouth….just this weird squeak. The sales lady look absofuckinglutely appalled, and we were both sorry we didn’t bring our phones to capture the moment   😦

…went to a 5 year old’s birthday party.

…rode the merry-go-round with 6-inch. He sat on a horsey, held onto the pole with one hand, and held onto me with the other hand. He looked confused at first then got the hang of it  🙂

…made veal Marsala without veal. Veal is just so expensive; I substituted thinly sliced beef. It was a little tough but was delicious.

…did some laundry.

…drank a beer.

…watched a terrific documentary about the Chernobyl nuclear disaster.

…caught Footlong singing parts of “Call Me Maybe.”

…wished the kitchen would clean itself.

…had really strange and bothersome dreams.

…stopped at a 7-11 to buy milk for 6-inch. You can vote for Obama or Romney with your coffee cups. They have both, and the cashier scans your cup. I detest politics and bought a Diet Coke. My vote? Gene Doeling in 2016.

…heard about a sweet boy named Korey back home relapsing with cancer. All of my FB friends are organizing fundraisers and prayer vigils. It just breaks my heart. A very good friend of mine and her husband are season ticket holders for UGA football games; they are donating their season tickets in a raffle to raise money. That really doesn’t surprise me though because Jessica has always had a big heart. Please send this boy your love, good thoughts, prayers, or whatever moves you. I know he and his family would appreciate it.

…found bugs in a bag of flour.

…accidentally sprayed perfume in my eyes.

…shaved my legs with the clear safety cap still on the razor.

…snuggled with Footlong and told him all about my pregnancy and how he was born. He was fascinated and asked lots of questions.

…put Preston in his new car seat.

…got sad that my last baby is no longer in an infant car seat.

…got lots of advice about my eyebrow waxing problems. Thank you ladies! Not only do I appreciate said advice, I really appreciate the fact that you actually stopped and took the time to send me a comment  ☺

…ate chili from Wendy’s. I like mine with onions and one packet of chili sauce.

…enjoyed the clouds and lower temperatures. Monsoon season ends in just a couple of weeks then we head into the best part of the year:  the half that is not Summer!

…re-read some of Tracy Coenen’s articles at “Fraud Files.” (It’s under the link to the right of Places I Fancy.) She also writes an absofuckinglutely wonderful blog called “The Pink Truth,” which is all about the great, pink, Jesus-lovin’ scam that is Mary Kay. I’ve never sold MK, but I have bought a few products out of what I like to call my “friendshipshual obligation.” I laughed when I got my most recent box of shoes from ShoeDazzle last month because they always enclose a decent free gift. One time it was several samples of new shampoos and conditioners. Another time it was a travel size hair protection spray for flat irons and such. And last month? I got a tube of MK mascara mixed in with my heels.

…have been getting more and more mindful of how my diet is going to be changing in regards to surgery. I find myself caring less about food. I try to practice eating slowly. I’ve been trying to eat more protein, and I’ve been trying out various brands of protein shakes. I have decided, though, that I am going to have a hard time giving up Diet Coke and Perrier. Those are my absolute favorite drinks. I can do without desserts. I won’t miss fast food. I can learn to eat protein first during a meal. But giving up Diet Coke and Perrier is going to be flat-out hard.

…laughed at 6-inch during every diaper change because the very first thing he does when that diaper comes off is to make sure his little man bits are still there. Yep, buddy, they’re not going anywhere. I promise.

…learned that Mother and Father Snort took an impromptu weekend trip to the beach in FL. When people where I’m from say they’re going to the beach it is automatically understood that “the beach” is Panama City Beach, FL. Here in Tucson when people say “the beach,” half mean San Diego and the other half mean Rocky Point in Mexico (about 3 hrs from here).

…did some shopping for my adopted family in Nunavut. My “family” means a lot to me. I’m not going to violate their privacy by revealing names or photos or where they live in Nunavut, but I will say that my family consists of a single mother with five children (teenagers down to pre-school age). We have made friends on FB, and she is lovely. So far I’ve been able to send a box of dry goods every 2-3 weeks, and the travel time is about 10-12 days. If you aren’t aware of issues with food security and the cost of food in the Canadian territory of Nunavut please visit www.feedingmyfamily.org or search my blog for an entry entitled “Feeding a Family of 4 for $1000 a week.”

…did not have a single cup of coffee. That is soooooooooooooooooooooo unlike me.

…took Footlong for a milkshake because he got all green lights on his conduct for the week AND made a 100 on his very first test.


14 thoughts on “Over the weekend I….

  1. Ooooh I feel ya! I totally abandoned a lap band seminar almost as soon as the doctor said “no diet coke.” Well not really but when I discussed it with the doctor following the seminar he did say that you can drink it between meals if you let it go fairly flat!

    • I know, Dana, it’s going to suck big time to not have Diet Coke or Perrier. The thing with the gastric bypass is that the gas from the carbonated beverages can, over time, stretch your pouch which can enable you to eat more and regain weight. I’m afraid I will have to say goodbye to my beloved friends, because if I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it all the way. I’m glad that you can still drink it…even flat.

  2. No carbonation after surgery? OOWW!! & I hope that the hospital entrusted with your surgery will be using Acme bands for anything that needs to be secured. Hopefully a promotion will be forthcoming. I have been canning composted tomatoes, lemon rinds, & dog fur & may need more bands soon. Those Ball Canning lids just don’t cut it.

    • LOL! Let me know if I can hook you up with some personalized Acme canning bands, Lisa. I can even get you on autoship. As for Acme medical bands, I understand they are working on an Acme lapband, as well Acme tourniquets.

  3. Hi Snort. There link to the Fraud Files doesn’t work for me. It looks like the http is in there twice. Just wanted you to know….

    Also just wanted to say that I love your blog! You’re hilarious!

  4. And you didn’t take one picture? :-). I’m thinking more of donations for your family. Can I donate with you or on my own. We are so blessed with food and I need to pass it on. Thanks for writing more often 🙂

    • You are welcome to send them food. I sent my family an email last week asking what things they could use in addition to what I had been sending (noodles, peanut butter, rice, beans, soup mixes, oatmeal, boxes of Bisquick, Velveeta, etc). She asked for powdered milk, tampons/maxi pads, more soup, and healthy snacks for the kids like granola bars and such. I’ve got 2 boxes of powdered milk and a TON of pads/tampons to go in the next box I send on Friday when J gets paid. Let me check with my family and see if she is comfortable sharing her address with you, and you can send her things directly—you can send a 20lb. priority mail box via the USPS for $39.95. It will take 12 days (give or take a couple) for the box to reach her. Is this cool?

  5. It’s odd writing this, but we are both from GA, I have a child currently living in Phoenix, and a woman who helped wreck my marriage lives in Mesa now after moving there from GA last year! Weird, huh? If you tell me you worked at St. Joe’s, now THAT will freak me out! My DH’s X works on the cardiac unit there.

    • I, several years ago, worked at the St. Joe’s in Tucson, but it’s not affilliated with the one in Phoenix. Where in GA are you from? I’m from a small town on the left hand side of the state about 45 min. from Columbus.

      • I’m about an hour N. of ATL. The St. Joseph’s I meant is in ATL. Another funny….the Mesa chick is Cuban by birth.

  6. Back home I worked in hospitals in Columbus, part-time for some extra $$$ at a head injury/spinal cord injury rehab hospital inWarm Springs, and I even did a travel job at Grady. That’ right. Motherfuckin’ Grady.

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