T-minus 13 days and counting!

I’ve been a very, very bad [SNORT] by neglecting this blog for a few days. I have been busy.

As you can guess from the title, we are either 13 days away from the next shuttle launch or my gastric bypass surgery. Seeing as how the shuttle program is no longer active, I’m pretty certain it is 13 days until my surgery! FUCK YEAH! In the last few days I have been to a required pre-op bariatric seminar, met with my (handsome) surgeon, had an EKG, pulmonary testing, lab work, a chest x-ray, and received a shit ton of instructions about what will be doing in my in life (and guts) in the immediate pre-op and post-op periods. There are some folks who have left me hateful comments about me being “lazy” and surgery being “the easy way out.” Well, let me enlighten you naysaying bitches as to what it will be like for me, and I double-dog dare anyone to tell me I’ve chosen the easy way out.

T-Minus 7 days  (i.e. next Tuesday):  Start pre-surgery diet:  protein shakes (to get 60 g protein daily), clear broth, sugar-free jello, sugar-free popsicles, a ton of water.

T-Minus 1 day (i.e. the day before surgery):  No protein shakes. Clear liquids only. Drink a bottle of Magnesium Citrate (laxative) at 1:00 pm. Hibiclens (surgical soap) shower before bed; that should be enjoyable because I have very sensitive skin. I anticipate alot, alot of itching, stinging, and burning. Dope myself up with Ambien and pretend I’m not nervous as hell. Hug, kiss, and squeeze Footlong and 6-inch for as long as they let me because I won’t see them for a couple of days.

Surgery day:  Be at hospital (which is not in Tucson; I’ve opted to go to Phoenix) by 6:30 am for 8:30 am surgery. I will be up and walking 6 hours post-surgery. Bring on the pain! (And bring on the pain medication. I have discussed this already with my surgeon, and he knows my history of drug use. I have to have pain meds though; there is no way around it.)

I will spend 2 nights in the hospital; every morning at 6:00 am my nurse will bring me 4 (16 oz) bottles of water, and I have until midnight to drink them all. I think it might take that long because I have to take baby sips.

After I am discharged I will be back home, and in addition to getting in my 64 oz. of water a day I also have to fit in a minimum of 2 protein shakes so that I get at least 60 g protein a day. I cannot drink from a straw.

One week after surgery I will start the vitamins and supplements that I will be on for the rest of my life. These include a chewable multi-vitamin twice a day, chewable Iron once a day, chewable Calcium Citrate three times a day, liquid Omega 3 (ew, ew, ew—it’s like drinking a pureed mackerel), sublingual B-12, and Vitamin D-3.

Food wise, it will be a month post-surgery before I can eat foods other than Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, mushed up chicken/turkey with gravy, soup, and grilled fish. I won’t have fruits or veggies until about 6 weeks post-op, and they have to be cooked and have any skins removed. I have to eat with one of 6-inch’s baby spoons.

I am forbidden to eat white foods:  potatoes, rice, bread, and pasta. At some point whole grain, high fiber, high protein oatmeal will be ok.

No coffee for 3 months, no alcohol for a year, no carbonated beverages EVER. Farewell my beloved Diet Coke and Perrier. It has been a delicious ride. I love you.

I am limited to eating 1/2 cup of food at each meal, but it is likely that I won’t be able to finish it. I will continue on protein shakes until I am able to get all of my protein from my diet.

I’m probably going to lose some hair, and I’ll lose more if I don’t get enough protein or take my vitamins as prescribed. This pains me because I have nice, thick, shiny hair.

Wow! Doesn’t this sound awesome?!? I admit that I thought about going the starvation/binge/sprinkle/laxative/DMAA/caffeine route while lining someone’s pockets and getting them free trips and shit, but this is just how I roll. Hope that helps! 

All sarcasm and [SNORT]-ness aside, I am really excited and cannot wait to start this new phase of my life. It will be nice to get to a point where I have one ass instead of two.

If any of you have comments, feedback, would like to share your own weight loss struggles/successes, or ask questions just leave me a comment.


59 thoughts on “T-minus 13 days and counting!

  1. Wow, I know it’s not an easy surgery, but I had no idea the life long regime you will have to follow. Do you plan to blog the journey? Would love it

    • Hi, Deb! I do plan on blogging the journey, starting next Tuesday morning with a video where I weigh myself for the world to see. I don’t want to turn this into a weight-loss only blog, so I plan on blogging short updates….and photos of me modeling my skinny clothes and awesome shoes, of course!

  2. I am so excited for you too!!! We won’t be home until Thanksgiving or I would I come see you in Phoenix 🙂 I am so proud that you are enduring this surgery for a better future for you and your kids and hubby. I also didn’t know all the things you would have to go through with the surgery. The hardest part is no carbonated drinks – AGH!!! I’ll have an extra Perrier for you 🙂 Are you open to facebook friends or is that too persoanl? I totally get it. Good luck in 13 days. And get those hot shoes ready!!!

    • Thanks! Yes, please have a Perrier in my honor. I looked you up on FB by email address, but your privacy settings are such that I can’t message you or send a friend invite. That makes me a sad [SNORT]. And the hot shoes are standing by 🙂

      • I find that the *wait* for medical stuff (planned… NOT the result of twisting/turning car accidents!) is worse than the procedure itself. Good luck and take care of yourself. 🙂

  3. Oh Snort, I’ve thought about your upcoming surgery every time I look at the calendar and see that October is coming to a close. Can I be nervous for you? Wish I could be there to hold your hand through this, but you’re a big girl (no pun intended) – you can do this! Thanks for taking us along for the ride. Looking forward to the updates – you will find a way to put a funny spin on things no matter what. Wishing you all the best girl!

    • Hiya, Skirts! You may be nervous for me if you wish, but also feel free to send me good thoughts, good vibes, gift cards, cash, massages, hotel stays, plane tickets, PayPal deposits, etc. You can send a TV news crew to the hospital if you wish so that they may share my first post-op bowel movement with the world. Snark aside, I do appreciate the thoughts, well wishes, and enthusiasm on my behalf!

  4. The weight loss journey is not an easy one, no matter how you do it. I’ve needed to lose weight ever since I can remember, but recently (like in the last few weeks) decided to really track what goes in my mouth and make an effort to exercise. It is so hard. I wish you nothing but the best.

    P.S. I’m a MWOP and a SNORT lurker.

    • Thank you, San! Glad you de-lurked to leave me a comment! I agree; it is hard to lose weight no matter how you do it. Over the years I have tried, and at times I have not been kind to my body (crash diets, diuretics, laxatives, Phentermine, etc.). My depression and hypothyroidism make it that much more difficult to lose weight. I wish you nothing but the best on your weight loss journey!

  5. You’re right it is not easy. I told you about Brandon and how well he did. In under a year he lost 200 lbs. He looks great. There is no doubt about it, it’s a hard road. People that say it’s taking the easy way out are full of crap. You are doing this to save your life, you have two little boys to raise. Nothing easy about your journey. Good luck.

    • Thanks, Lindy! You’re right: I am doing it to save my life. I am healthy now at 34, but if I don’t make some major changes by the time I am 40 I know I will likely be diabetic, hypertensive, and working on my first heart attack. It was just time for me to admit that I need help.

  6. I just know you are going to do great with the surgery & following orders. I feel it in my bones! We will be here cheering you on!

  7. my daughter went for her 6 month checkup yesterday and is down 93 lbs. From a 25 jeans to a 14 in jeans. BMI from a 53 to 32.6 in 6 months. Able to buy boots that zip up to her knee since her calves have thinned down. For bariatric vitamins try the optisource that is sold at Walgreens. 1x a day and gives you alot of the necessary vitamin/minerals. My darling husband had his surgery in January and 2 weeks ago went for his 9 month checkup. Down 129 pounds. You can do it Carmen. Neither one misses soda or food. They both tell me that your desire for food changes after surgery. They eat 3-4 ounces per meal and that fills them up. I am so excited for you especially after I see the changes they have been through and the changes it has made to our family. I spent the last day and half with my daughter shopping and hanging out, watching her joy as she tried on tons of jeans and shirts trying to find the right look to go with her new boots. Not trying to find clothes that looked good enough to get by with but clothes that looked good enough on her to buy.

    • I’m so happy for you, your husband, and your daughter! I’m relieved to know that they don’t miss soda or food. The food thing I really don’t care about, but I do need to work on my tendencies as an emotional eater (which I inherited honestly from Father Snort). Knowing I won’t be hungry and will only have a stomach the size of a golf ball forces me to address the underlying emotions 🙂

  8. I look forward to following your story. I am going in for a consult for the same thing on Halloween. You being so open and honest about everything inspired me to finally attend a meeting and schedule the appt that I have been putting off for so long. Good luck on your journey 🙂

    • YAY JEN!! I am proud of you for taking that first step to get more information. What are you leaning toward: band, bypass, or sleeve? With all of the excess weight I had to lose the surgeon said I’d get the most weight loss with the bypass, and I agreed. I’m here for you!!!! And good luck on your journey!

      • Thanks! I am planning on bypass for the same reason. I am excited to start this journey as well. Hopefully the wait won’t be too long… The only things I can see myself missing are beverages as well – I love fizzy water and diet coke but will be more than happy to give them up for a healthier life. I will also miss my morning espresso, but I found this espresso protein drink!!: http://drinkclick.com/shop

      • Our bariatric program is shocked how some who’ve had the sleeve (my 2 family members) are loosing weight at the same rate as bypass. My daughter started at 284 (5’5) on 4/25 and last tuesday was 191. Husband started at 394 on 1/11 and is at 262. Bottom line is whichever surgery you chose as long as you follow the program you will succeed. I can’t wait to be your cheerleader as I’ve seen how much my family has changed and I know you and your family will be equally successful. I know how your life will change and can’t wait to go on this journey with you.

  9. Carmen: I was just thinking of you today and came to the blog and it was like we were on the same wave length! I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. I know you will do fantastic. So you think of all of us giving you a HUGE INTERNET HUG and know that we will be thinking of you on the day of surgery and waiting to hear how you did! I will be thinking of you and saying a little prayer. Take care of yourself, love ya.. Cindy

    p.s. What is the deal with soda and carbonated stuff anyway? I know soda is not great for you but once you are healed you can’t even have a sip or two? I have tons of other questions, but don’t want to harrass you with all of them. LOL…

    • Thank you, Cindy! I love all this internet hugging and cheering! Makes me feel like a loved Snort. And I love ya right back!

      You can ask me all the questions you like. As for the carbonated beverages, the bubbles can pool in my new and improved tiny tummy causing some horrific gas pains. It will also keep me from feeling hungry, and that can cause me to take in less protein. Some people say they can tolerate Diet Cokes a couple of years after surgery; some say it is too painful to drink. Plus, the gaseous distention can stretch out your tummy pouch over time, and that negates the point of having surgery in the first place.

  10. I had stomach surgery for my stomach closing itself up (it’s called achalasia and its the worst pain you could ever feel) and it really wasn’t too horrible. I had to do liquids a week before and a week after and to this day I can’t look at any more jello. Lol. The worst part of laparoscopic surgery is the gas they fill you with. It goes up to your shoulders for a few days after and it’s painful but walking helps. Good luck, you will do great!!!!!

  11. Wow! Best of luck with all of that, can’t say I would call it the “easy way!” I think you’re very brave to be willing to make the necessary changes for your health.

    I’m down 8.8 lbs on Weight Watchers so far, so that’s exciting. I’m hoping this time I can make the lifestyle changes necessary to keep the weight off. I blog about it frequently on my blog that no one reads (which I’m totally on with because it’s mostly for me) weight loss is hard work when you don’t go the innards-crushing DMAA/starvation route.

  12. Hey Carmen, I’m Tina, lurker from mwop. I’m an RN on a surgical intermediate floor and gastric bypass pts come to us. I just wanted to mention a few things you may know but didn’t mention. Almost all pts have the headache from hell starting 12-18 hours post op. I’be always suspected that it was because pts didn’t stop soft drinks and the headache was caffeine withdrawal. Most people are just blindsided by that headache so I try to warn people. Hopefully you won’t have that problem. Also…iv acetaminophen is amazing. If its not ordered (its scheduled q6 at my facility) then ask if its available. I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Seems lately we are getting a lot of chronic pain pts who are on a ton of meds pre-op that aren’t reordered post op. And yet the iv acetaminophen works!
    Good luck!

    • Hi, Tina! I will be (painfully) withdrawing from caffeine during my pre-op diet so I hope to avoid the headaches. Are you outside the US? The reason I ask is because I was a RN for 10 years and never, ever saw IV aceteminophen—just po liquid, po tabs, and as a suppository.

      • I’m in NC. It’s fairly new here, we’ve been using it maybe a year? I was cynical at first but now I’m sold. It’s called Ofirmev.
        Really try to kick caffeine pre op. Post op and off IV fluids you will struggle to get enough hydration to help with the withdrawal HA.

  13. Best of luck to you, I look forward to sharing the journey with you, in our respective chosen paths. I certainly could NOT do what you are doing. No diet soda ever? NO effing way. No white stuff? No effing way. I loooove my white foods.

    • Thanks, Sunny! I know, the thought of no Diet Coke is heartbreaking since that has been my beverage of choice since I was 12. I love the white foods too, but they can cause dumping syndrome 😦

      • I understand, it’s just that those types of restrictions were what caused me to re-think the process for myself. No judgements on what you or anyone else chooses to do to work on their health/fitness. I just know that for for ME, the restrictions were a deal breaker. However you get to being the best, healthiest you–more power to you!

  14. Hi Snort, It’s Meda/Mom stealing Michelle”s name again lol. I am so proud of you for having the courage to take the steps to a healthier you! I am watching from afar, with many heartfelt prayers for you to have a quick recovery from the pain of this surgery. But, I have to ask, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND????? Giving up coffee is almost heretical!! All kidding aside, you can do this, and Perrier is to expensive anyway lol. Much love to you and your family at this time. I know they are proud of you also! Looking forward to seeing you in those shoes, and the outfit you showed us.

    • Hi, Meda! Thank you for your love and well wishes. I am not looking forward to doing without coffee for 3 months, but hopefully as my weight goes down my energy level will go up and I won’t even miss the stuff! Don’t worry; I’ll be posting lots of unphotoshopped pictures of myself in my new skinny clothes and awesome shoes.

  15. Sending spoons, good juju, calming thoughts, and hugs your way.
    If you want to talk/bitch/cry/have a “safe person”, you know where to find me.

    • Alison! I miss you too, and thanks for the encouragement. I don’t know when we’ll make it home again, but I’ll stop by and see you at TF when we do; hopefully you won’t recognize me 😉 x0x0

  16. Good luck and I know you’re going to do great. And just know that for every person who wants to criticize, you have 10 more who’ve got your back.

  17. NO ALCOHOL FOR A YEAR???? Holy crap! Just kidding, I think you are one tough cookie and I admire you for taking this step. Everything will go great and you will get used to the “new normal” Screw all those naysayers, they don’t matter anyway. You will be in my prayers! (MckLyingUnderOath)

  18. I had no idea you had to do all this stuff for weight loss surgery. It doesn’t sound like an “easy way out” at all, in fact, I think I’d rather shrivel up and starve than give up Diet Coke, alcohol, pasta and potatoes. Oh, and coffee? forget it! Best of luck to you. I’ll look forward to hearing how it went, how you’re feeling and what kinds of things you can eat and drink. Will be thinking of you.

  19. You’re changing your life for the better, and making a huge commitment to improve your health for your family. How in the world is that “easy”? Best of luck to you, honey!

  20. Good luck to you, Snort! Those stupid assholes leaving mean comments can fuck off. With something blunt and splintered. Bitches. “Easy way out” – my puckered pooper. MAJOR SURGERY…no diet Coke! …no alcohol???!!!! NONE of that sounds “easy” to me! I hope this surgery helps you be healthy to raise those sweet boys. Having been on a constant weight roller coaster myself – I can tell you, it’s so fucking awesome to buy clothes at any store…not just the big girl stores…without having to try them to see if your rolls show (or your gut hangs over your jeans – a la Jennifer Howe Sauls McKinney).

    Good luck to you. I wish for you a speedy recovery, with manageable amounts of pain, and new healthy you on the other side!

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