Day 4 and some fucking ugly shoes

This morning began with a weigh-in:  still 288.5 lbs.  I have discovered that I don’t tolerate hot broth very well–it literally goes right through me. I spent a great deal of time in the bathroom yesterday. I have also discovered my love of Crystal Light; I’ve never really drank it before because I was always a Diet Coke girl, but the peach iced tea is pretty delicious and makes the water easier to drink.

I was bothered by some pretty bad anxiety last night thinking about surgery, going under anesthesia, and thinking about my own mortality. Even with sleeping pills on board I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night, and eventually fell asleep around 5:00 am. I’m tired to say the least. One of my high school friends is a nurse anesthetist, and she is going to be calling me later so we can talk about my anxieties and anesthesia in general. The problem for me is giving up control of my body and trusting other people to do their jobs properly and not kill me.

Lastly, here is a video of the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. They are not practical at all, and I realize that they are more about creating art than footwear. Still…..they are fucking awful. I tried posting the video here, but I’m having problems. You have to click the link to watch it. Holy shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoS7vdJLO4A

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Day 4 and some fucking ugly shoes

  1. ((hugs)) You’l be OK with the anesthesia. The *wait* is the worst part. Before you know it, you’ll be waking up– asking them if they’ve started yet! xxoo

  2. I am not worried about any complications, pain, or the diet – just the anesthesia as well. I am also not fond of the idea of relying on other people to keep me alive. But as my surgeon pointed out, I woke up the last time I had surgery for my gallbladder, this time will be no different. AH! It is still nerve-wracking! If my last surgery wasn’t on a Monday morning, I might have tried to cancel it the day before because my anxiety was through the roof but I was strangely calm the day of. Hopefully your anxiety will lessen – or they give you some medicine to help with it. I will be sending you positive thoughts on surgery day!

    Those shoes make the model look like she is trying to poop while walking! Who thought those were a good idea?!

  3. It’s really rough to struggle with the diet and apprehension, but know that there are many virtual friends wishing you smooth sailing through the surgery and recovery. Hug tight.

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