Photos and ramblings by a fat woman

I really don’t know where to start with everything, so I apologize up front for any ramblings or lack of cohesiveness in this post.

I am on the mend, physically and mentally. Physically I have been in a fair amount of pain. It is tolerable during the day, but after waking up in the mornings or after a nap I feel like there is one of those little monsters from “Alien” inside of me. My stomach is bruised to hell and back both from the incisions and where they gave me my Heparin (blood thinner) shots after surgery. Have you watched any of the “Rocky” movies? Imagine Sylvester Stallone’s swollen, bruised face, and you have a damn close mental picture of my stomach.

I have found that there is alot of mental recovery, so to speak, going on as well…namely with my relationship with food. I am from a family that likes to eat. In many ways I share the same food issues with my Dad; we are both obese and tend to eat when we’re bored. I have dieted upteen times in my life, but I have never, EVER dieted without food. For two weeks I have been on clear liquids and protein shakes. I understand the dietary restrictions associated with surgery and why they are there, but I’ve been noticing my habits. I go in the kitchen for a drink or to get some Chap Stick, and I catch myself opening the pantry door and looking lustfully at the crackers, cereal, and other foods I can chew. Liquids go right through me (so to speak), so I haven’t had that comfortable “Ah, I’m pleasantly full” feeling in awhile; I feel empty and a bit foggy.

On the bright side, I weighed in at 280.5 this morning. I see the surgeon on Wednesday for a check-up.

I have promised to document my journey with pictures, and I will do just that. I am, however, so fucking embarassed to post these photos; no photoshop for this girl—what you see is true to size (unfortunately).

 

This was me the morning of surgery prior to leaving the hotel. I am wearing a pair or size 26 jeans that are baggy, and my shirt is a 3x t-shirt from Old Navy. I couldn’t wear make-up  😦

And a photo from the side. *shudder*

 

 

Me after surgery.

 

 

 I lucked out with some visitors (and flowers) on Tuesday evening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J put 6-inch in my arms for a quick snuggle.

 

Footlong had eaten some blue candy and looked like he licked a Smurf.

 

 

I did, however, snag a kiss from him.

 

 

 

And I posted this one last because it is my absolute least favorite. Here I am in the recovery room, barely awake, full of narcotics, and I have a seriously puffed up belly from all the gas they use during the surgery.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Photos and ramblings by a fat woman

  1. I think you’re adorable. I love the honesty Looking forwarding to supporting your journey. Although we are going by different paths, I totally get the re-defining the relationship with food. TOM is still a major bitch for me, 8 months into this process. On most days, I can convince myself that I need to eat the healthy stuff, and if I have any calories left at the end of the day…then we’ll talk. My fucking period rolls around and there’s a monster inside of me that takes over and insists on eating shit all day long, regardless of hunger. Which makes me feel like shit mentally and physically. On the good side, the period binges last only about 48 hours, and the volume of junk I can eat at a time before I get physically ill has dramatically decreased in the past 8 months. One day at a time.

    • Awwww, thanks Sunny! TOM sucks so bad; I forgot to mention in the post that I started my period the day after I got home from the hospital. In addition to the pain and mental recovery, I have been an emotional ball of jello. I am so proud of you for succeeding the old fashioned way! I’m proud of anybody (myself included) that is able to lose weight—it is hard to do.

  2. Well I too think you are adorable as is. But of course I understand the motivation to be healthier. One of my oldest friends did what you did and it’s been…I think close to 3 years. She just lost and lost every year. Because of what you said…..the forced change in her relationship with food REALLY has had a lasting impact on her. However you do it…….that lasting change is hard hard work.

    I had my tubes tied a year or so ago and they puffed up my belly too……I about had a heart attack when I woke up and looked down.

    It’s just gonna get better every day. Stay comfortable and hang in there, lady. xoxoxoxoxo

    • Thanks, C Lo. When I took a long hard look in the mirror I thought to myself, “OK. I’m 34 and don’t have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or sleep apnea. I can do something about this now or wait until I’m 40 and probably have all of the above problems which will make surgery more dangerous.” And it really is hard changing my habits, but my surgeon has assured me that my body will let me know what it will and won’t tolerate. xoxoxoxo

  3. You know, looking at that very first picture, I felt myself smile. I realized I was responding to the smile on your face and the feeling of how genuine you are. I felt for a few seconds like we were friends in real life. I know we would be if I lived near you. Even in a photo you exude this honest, genuine sense of self that draws me in. Whatever size you are, you are a beautiful woman.

    • OK, Peggy, I’m not going to lie….I am crying after reading this sweet, sweet comment. Thank you. I am sure if we knew each other in real life we would indeed be friends. If you ever pass through Tucson we must meet up 🙂

  4. Hey, this is your journey. Yeah of course you could have photoshopped your pics, but that is not reality. In reality, you are a strong, amazing, beautiful person who admits to struggling with food. You are honest and an open book (somebody else we know could take a lesson, but that might be a scary idea, her real and uncensored.. Yikes.).. anyway… I totally get the relationship with food. To me, comfort is food. To me, stress relief is McDonald’s..(I blame them really, McDonald’s was my first job and back then my size 0 butt loved every bit of working there and the food.. still love the food but the size 0 is long gone).. Can I tell you how giddy I was when it was time for McRibs to come back.. Yeah, I know what is in them anyway, but I am an addict..You have so many of us just so happy for you and excited for this new journey and I am living my life through you right now. I tried MFP and I lost 12 pounds but with no exercise and no motivation, well back to the drawing board and welcome back 7 of those pounds.. I didn’t miss you one bit. Trying to find a balance in our lives is so hard and using food has become my little “happiness and stress-free trip to the shrink without the shrink”. So, as I struggle to figure out how to do this AGAIN.. I am thrilled for you that you have taken the steps to make a change. A change that you will see will be so worth it. You hang in there. The soreness will slowly go away and the pounds will take a hike and the new journey will be full of cute clothes and being healthy. Love you Carmen..

    cindy

    • Hey Cindy! Thank you for your uplifting compliment about me being strong, beautiful, and amazing. I don’t feel that way at all—I feel embarassed and unsure, but hearing that you feel that way about me makes me feel a little better about myself. I love you too my friend.

      PS…..I seriously miss McDonalds.

  5. SNORT … to post this this takes serious guts and I so admire you. It’s all too easy nowadays to delete the pics we’re not happy with … I know I do.
    I’ve got 2 photos VERY similar to your first 2 (same colour of top & jeans !!) and I’ve lost a stone since I took them (took me almost a year) and I get such a kick out of comparing them … for only 14lbs the difference is visible … what’s even more visible is the way I’m standing … so much more positive and not hating myself so much.
    Just remember, that was the last time you’ll be that size :o)
    Here for you every step of the way.

    Love your wee fellas by the way … dead cute … ((( HUGS from Scotland )))

    • Thank you my Scottish friend! I figure if I didn’t post the ugly, truthful pictures that I would, in reality, be no better than you-know-who. Congrats on losing a stone!

      And my wee fellas send hugs from America. 6-inch sends more slobber than hugs, though.

  6. Snort, I am so proud of you for knowing what you want and going after it. It is going to be so fun sharing this journey with you. I know 3 gals that had this same surgery…and they look great! One is a nurse. She always says it was the best thing she ever did for herself. ♥ Marley

  7. Hoping for a good report from surgeon today. Each day a little better. Each day closer to those darn pounds finally going away. It won’t change who you are, but it will make you healthier and a happy and healthy snort is the best!!

    Thinking about you constantly and wishing I lived next door to help you out. Unfortunately stuck in boring southern Illinois. 🙂

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