just some blurbs

Hey y’all………..MockMama is back! Have you missed me? I’ve just got so much to tell you.

Firstly, J and I have reconciled! I’m giggling like a middle aged balding man!!! I got my wedding bands back from him; He sprayed my finger hooves down with PAM and shoved them fuckers on real tight. The ring now has two diamonds that represent his balls and the control I have over them. Isn’t it romantic sitting on the floor perched atop firm cushions under starry tents whilst belly dancers jiggle and wiggle before us and our hummus? We went swimming today in the pool here at the resort, and didn’t feel like missing much so I just took my entire PC and gaming system in the pool too.

Later, at a sumptuous all-you-can-eat chocolate fountain I had an epiphany. I want a bidet. I love this chocolate fountain. I fucking deserve a bidet that will clean my ass with a silky stream of warm milk chocolate. Really, folks. Is that too much to ask? I deserve it.

We didn’t bring the kids…uh…Footsomething and some odd inches. Yeah, they’re back home holding down the fort. We left food and milk. I had the choice of going to the top of the tallest building in the world or airmailing some diapers home for the inch kid. I chose the building tour. I figure the older kid, Footsomething will teach him how to pee in the toilet. This trip is all for me, me, me, me, ME.

Last night I ate dessert that was covered in real gold flakes. I can literally shit gold now. I am better than all of you. I’m going to shit gold and get my ass washed with chocolate. Bwhahahahahahahaha! (evil laugh)

Send gift cards so I can go out for a falafel.


9 thoughts on “just some blurbs

  1. Snort – I am so happy the surgeon didn’t mess with your sense of humorous last week! I am cracking up here.
    My computer is all jacked up still and I can’t comment on Mwop with my kindle fire. Disquis does not like it and it is killing me to not speak my mind during the excess/poverty season. So glad the surgery went well. Happy healing thoughts!

  2. I damn near woke my better half laughing at the sentence about spraying “finger hooves with Pam and shoving them fuckers on real tight”.

    You’re awesome, you really are 🙂 I almost forgot about my little girlfriend crush on you until I read that.

    Peace! Hope you’re feeling well and the pain is fading fast.

  3. OMG … this is brilliant … two diamonds that represent his balls !!!
    I don’t know what kind of painkillers you’re on but I want some. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in ages but I want you to know that I will NEVER,never, never, eat from a chocolate fountain now !!!

  4. Laughing would hurt like a motherf*cker (how did she write it? lol!) after surgery like yours, how can you write this and not laugh?! I would love to read a “biography” of the McKinneys written by you. It would be fantastic! The line about 2 diamonds representing his balls just about killed me. Too funny!

  5. You are too funny. Thanks for providing entertainment even though I bet you need some yourself. I died at the Pam joke too. I suggest you take Xyng along with your surgery. You’ll be at 112 lbs in about five days. You’re welcome! And it’s safe if you’re still nursing.

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