Photos and ramblings by a fat woman

I really don’t know where to start with everything, so I apologize up front for any ramblings or lack of cohesiveness in this post.

I am on the mend, physically and mentally. Physically I have been in a fair amount of pain. It is tolerable during the day, but after waking up in the mornings or after a nap I feel like there is one of those little monsters from “Alien” inside of me. My stomach is bruised to hell and back both from the incisions and where they gave me my Heparin (blood thinner) shots after surgery. Have you watched any of the “Rocky” movies? Imagine Sylvester Stallone’s swollen, bruised face, and you have a damn close mental picture of my stomach.

I have found that there is alot of mental recovery, so to speak, going on as well…namely with my relationship with food. I am from a family that likes to eat. In many ways I share the same food issues with my Dad; we are both obese and tend to eat when we’re bored. I have dieted upteen times in my life, but I have never, EVER dieted without food. For two weeks I have been on clear liquids and protein shakes. I understand the dietary restrictions associated with surgery and why they are there, but I’ve been noticing my habits. I go in the kitchen for a drink or to get some Chap Stick, and I catch myself opening the pantry door and looking lustfully at the crackers, cereal, and other foods I can chew. Liquids go right through me (so to speak), so I haven’t had that comfortable “Ah, I’m pleasantly full” feeling in awhile; I feel empty and a bit foggy.

On the bright side, I weighed in at 280.5 this morning. I see the surgeon on Wednesday for a check-up.

I have promised to document my journey with pictures, and I will do just that. I am, however, so fucking embarassed to post these photos; no photoshop for this girl—what you see is true to size (unfortunately).

 

This was me the morning of surgery prior to leaving the hotel. I am wearing a pair or size 26 jeans that are baggy, and my shirt is a 3x t-shirt from Old Navy. I couldn’t wear make-up  😦

And a photo from the side. *shudder*

 

 

Me after surgery.

 

 

 I lucked out with some visitors (and flowers) on Tuesday evening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

J put 6-inch in my arms for a quick snuggle.

 

Footlong had eaten some blue candy and looked like he licked a Smurf.

 

 

I did, however, snag a kiss from him.

 

 

 

And I posted this one last because it is my absolute least favorite. Here I am in the recovery room, barely awake, full of narcotics, and I have a seriously puffed up belly from all the gas they use during the surgery.

 

 

It’s Over?

Hey everyone! I’d like to start this post with a huge thank you to everyone who left me a comment on MWOP, asked about me, left me comments/messages, sent me texts, and sent me a little something on FB. As you all know (because all I did was bitch about it), I was dealing with awful anxiety issues before surgery; once it was over I turned into an emotional blob of jello, and all of your lovely messages/comments/etc. made me cry. I would also like to apologize up front for any spelling or grammar mistakes that may be contained in this post; I am on a helluva lot of Dilaudid.

Let’s back this story up to Monday, shall we? I woke up Monday morning weighing 286.5:  I lost exactly seven pounds on my pre-op diet. At 1:00 pm, I drank an entire bottle of (cherry flavored) Magnesium Citrate. The bottle said it would work anywhere between thirty minutes and eight hours. Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of window is that? With me, however, the magic number was 45 minutes. We headed up to Phoenix after Footlong got out of school; my very, very dear friend Deena volunteered to watch the boys overnight so J could go to the hospital with me for surgery. As a token of gratitude I took Deena out for a pedicure; I got my toenails painted red, and she got her nails painted a dark teal. During the pedicure I couldn’t look at the bubbling water in the tub thing because I was afraid I would shit my pants, someone would catch it on video, and that fucker would go viral on YouTube with millions of hits. I made it through the pedicure without any accidents. I’m a big girl!

We said goodbye to the boys (I managed to choke back my tears) about 7:00 or so and headed to our hotel room. We watched TV and chilled for a couple of hours, I took a shower with my special pre-op soap, and then I collapsed into a diarrhea induced mini-coma.

I really don’t remember much about the next morning. I know we were at the hospital at 6:30am to check-in; I was taken back to the pre-op area, got weighed, and put on a gown. I had an IV started in each arm. That is pretty much all I remember. The drug that they gave me to chill me out before surgery causes retrograde amnesia, so I have spotty memories of that morning. I don’t even remember going into the OR. I don’t remember waking up in the recovery room, but I do know they kept giving me pain medicine. I thought the pain would be worse than it was, but it was tolerable.

The rest of the stay went like clockwork. I walked, drank water, ate jello, used my incentive spirometer, etc. The surgeon decreed that all of his gastric bypass patients must be out of the bed and in the recliner from 6:00 am until midnight. I sat in the chair and watched TV. I napped in the chair. I walked miles and miles around the nurses station.

I was discharged Thursday about lunch time and got home to Tucson around 3:00 pm. I slept half the ride home. And no, I wasn’t driving. It was so good to see my babies again, but it really pained me to not be allowed to pick up 6-inch. He’d walk over to me on his chubby little legs, open his arms, and look up at me. It broke my heart.

I’m doing ok since getting home. I am bloated in the belly from the CO2 gas they used during surgery; I am slowly getting rid of it. Clear liquids and protein shakes are going down just fine. My pain is still there, but it’s better. My belly is bruised all over, and I have tape burns all over my belly and arms.

They told us pre-op that we would come home heavier than we were before surgery due to the IV fluids we would receive. I came home Thursday at 288. I was 288 yesterday. Today I am 284.5.

I can’t believe that it’s over. I jumped through hoops for six months for this surgery. I had anxiety and panic attacks when thinking about anesthesia. I feel like I was building up to something big, and now that it’s all over it’s surreal. I’m off to drink a protein shake and some Crystal Light now. I’ll post pictures with my next post.

 

Days 5 and 6

Just a quick check-in to keep myself accountable:

Day 5 (Saturday) started with a weigh in of 288.0 pounds. I drank 3 protein shakes, a ton of water spiked with Crystal light, and 3 popsicles. I have decided that I fucking hate broth and jello. I had some energy (finally) to run those errands that needed to be run. I even cooked a giant Korean meal for J and Footlong. Anxiety wise, I talked to my doctor (at the urging of my anesthetist friend) and was given a prescription for Ativan to treat my anxiety. I feel so much better. Now I’m not scared at all—I’m fucking excited. Talking to my friend Shannon made all the difference.

 

Day 6 (Sunday) started with a morning weigh-in at 287.o pounds. I’m down 6.5 pounds since Tuesday morning. I’ve always been bothered by pink stretch marks on my belly and hips, but this morning I noticed that 90% of them have faded significantly. Cool!

 

Tomorrow after Footlong gets out of school we are headed to Phoenix. I can have clear liquids only tomorrow (no protein shakes), and I have to drink an entire bottle of Mag Citrate, a laxative, at 1:00 pm. Me and my friend, Deena, are going for pedicures tomorrow night, and here’s hoping I don’t have the urge to poop at the nail salon. LOL.

 

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Day 4 and some fucking ugly shoes

This morning began with a weigh-in:  still 288.5 lbs.  I have discovered that I don’t tolerate hot broth very well–it literally goes right through me. I spent a great deal of time in the bathroom yesterday. I have also discovered my love of Crystal Light; I’ve never really drank it before because I was always a Diet Coke girl, but the peach iced tea is pretty delicious and makes the water easier to drink.

I was bothered by some pretty bad anxiety last night thinking about surgery, going under anesthesia, and thinking about my own mortality. Even with sleeping pills on board I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned all night, and eventually fell asleep around 5:00 am. I’m tired to say the least. One of my high school friends is a nurse anesthetist, and she is going to be calling me later so we can talk about my anxieties and anesthesia in general. The problem for me is giving up control of my body and trusting other people to do their jobs properly and not kill me.

Lastly, here is a video of the ugliest shoes I have ever seen. They are not practical at all, and I realize that they are more about creating art than footwear. Still…..they are fucking awful. I tried posting the video here, but I’m having problems. You have to click the link to watch it. Holy shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoS7vdJLO4A

 

 

 

 

And so the journey begins….

Tuesday October 30th marked two big things in my life:  my firstborn, Footlong, turned 7, and I started my pre-op diet for my upcoming surgery. I figure that a journey of infinite miles begins with a single step so I plan to count the pre-op diet as the point from which I started.

With all the devastation on the East coast in the wake of Hurricane Sandy I didn’t feel like shooting video and talking about me, me, me on Tuesday. Just thinking about it made me feel selfish in light of people with real problems. Monday night J picked up some take out from Romano’s Macaroni Grill, and I ate my last meal without having to worry about how much I was eating, the protein intake, fat/carb content, etc. He and I split an order of calamari as our appetizer. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to eat fried foods again; some foods with high fat content will cause uncomfortable side effects in a gastric bypass patient. I enjoyed Chicken Scallopine as my entree, and I savored the entire thing from start to finish. It was wonderful. I ate a small piece of their rosemary bread, and for dessert I bade a fond farewell to sugary carbs as I enjoyed two glazed donuts.

I managed to peel myself away from the news on Tuesday morning to weigh myself. I figured that after enjoying a few last vices (namely alcohol and carbs) in the previous few weeks that I would be heavier than normal. I was right. I am humbled and embarrassed to admit this, but I officially started my journey at 293.5 pounds. That weight was in the buff. I teared up for a minute, and then I told myself to stop the fucking boo-hooing because I would never, ever weigh that much again.

Day 1 of the pre-op diet was tough:  it was the first time in my life I had ever dieted without eating food. With the lack of carbs I felt sluggish and irritable. It was odd to go in the kitchen and realize that I could not eat anything—not even salad. I drank three protein shakes (30g protein each) over the course of the day, enjoyed two bowls of sugar-free jello, one sugar-free popsicle, and a ton of water. I tried to make soup yesterday, and it was good. I mixed chicken broth, beef broth, and a bit of mushroom broth. I added onions, carrots, celery, and garlic and cooked it for an hour or so. I discarded the solids and ate a big bowl of broth; it tasted pretty good, but, unfortunately, it ran right through me. The thought of eating more (I had leftovers in the fridge) made me queasy so I bit the bullet and poured it down the drain. My friend Deena gave me great encouragement, and I muddled through the day.

Day 2 started with another birthday suit weigh-in, and I lost 4 pounds of water weight; I weighed in at 289.5. A high protein and low carb diet will cause a rapid loss of water weight, but I was surprised that it was 4 pounds worth. I was hungry, tired, and irritable all day. I figured it out, and with my 3 protein shakes a day and unlimited clear liquids and water (no soda), I am consuming 500 calories at best. The headaches from caffeine withdrawal are fucking terrible. Everytime I cough I feel like my brain is going to explode.

Today is Day 3, and I have apparently lost another pound overnight; I weighed in at 288.5 this morning. As I sit here and type this I have a protein shake and a glass of water in front of me. There are errands I’d like to run, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t have the fucking energy or patience right now. The lack of calories and carbohydrates has turned me into a fucking mega bitch. I’m not joking. Last night I snapped at J and called him an inconsiderate bastard because he was eating dinner in front of me. I apologized, of course. See? Mega bitch.

On a non-diet topic, the kiddos enjoyed Halloween! Footlong was dressed as a cop, and 6-inch was a chicken. J took the kids trick-or-treating, and I stayed home to pass out candy. And to make sure I wasn’t tempted to eat any candy, when the last trick-or-treater came I dumped the remaining candy in the bowl in her bag   🙂

Here are some pictures of the kids. I’m thinking I’ll do photos and videos of myself Monday…..the day before surgery. Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and kind words; they are a balm for my soul (LMAO….I had to squeeze that in there).