Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

It has been forever and a day since I have posted about the weird shit I see and experience. Brace yourself for some profanity riddled musings, and I would LOVE for you to leave me a comment telling me about things that make you think or say, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?”

Two weeks ago I did some shopping at a local organic market, and I bought a bottle of their store-brand bottled water because I was thirsty. After I finished drinking I was about to put the bottle in the recycle bin when I saw something printed on the bottle: “This product is certified Kosher and is 100% Vegan.” Are you fucking kidding me? Is there water that is not Kosher? Is there a rabbi at the water bottling company making sure that the water is bottled humanely and in a certain way? Was there really a chance that my water was going to contain animal products like meat or eggs?

I read an article online a few days ago that said “jelly shoes” were making a comeback this Spring. Are you fucking kidding me? These shoes were a staple of my 1980s childhood. They gave me blisters, and when my feet were sweaty they would slide around in the plastic shoes and leave dirt streaks everywhere. How are these still fashionable?

I went to TJ Maxx last night to browse and ended up buying a $16 pair of designer Steve Madden jelly shoes. Are you fucking kidding me? Did I really do that? The answer would be yes. Yes I did.

In Arizona the public school system grants the kids a two-day holiday every February for “Rodeo Days.” Are you fucking kidding me? I’m sorry, but I can get behind school holidays for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fall/Spring break, MLK day, etc. The rodeo? Really? Do kids in PA get a holiday for Groundhog Days? My friends in GA don’t have kids with school holidays when deer hunting season starts. Do kids in LA get time off for Mardi Gras?

Jennifer McKinney continues to photoshop photos of herself to give off the impression she is thin so more people will line her pockets by buying the expensive “diet and health supplements” she hocks. Are you fucking kidding me? With every trip she takes (Utah, Las Vegas, Dubai, the Caribbean cruise last week) we get our hands on unedited candid shots of her. We know what you look like, Jennifer. You’re about as thin as I am. Why don’t you cut the shit and own up to who you really are: a lying, cheating, conceited grifter. In case you can’t see it my middle finger is saluting her now. Fuck you, Jennifer.

6-inch has had problems eating people food and has seen a feeding therapist. We try and offer him bites of everything we eat, and do you know what his new favorite food is? Ranch dressing. Are you fucking kidding me? My child’s food repitoire consists of organic toddler cookies, toddler cereal bars, stage 3 baby food from the jar, oatmeal, French’s fried onions (that is weird too, imo), and ranch dressing. I love that little booger more than life itself; I just wish he would eat things like mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, noodles, and fruit like normal toddler. All in good time I guess.

As if posting fake photos of herself wasn’t enough, Jennifer McKinney posted a photo online of her two year old chewing on a tampon. Are you fucking kidding me? Who does this? Who lets their kids play with tampons? I shouldn’t be surprised, because she lets the kids play with scissors, draw on each other (and household stuff) with markers, play with her nail polish, posts photos of them online wrestling naked, and she gives one of her kids her diet pills for “behavioral problems.” I’m waiting to see a photo of one of the kids making balloon animals out of condoms or eating a huge bowl of K-Y Jelly.

I was in Target last week to pick up a few things, and I walked directly past the clothing section for girls. They are selling shirts that show off tummies, hip hugger jeans, and have slogans on shirts and panties that say things like, “Boys Love Me,” “Irresistable,” and “Hot Stuff.” Are you fucking kidding me? When did little girls start dressing like little sluts? I don’t have daughters, but if I did there is no way in fucking hell I would buy them clothes that sexualized them like that. I should be counting my blessings that Target doesn’t sell little boys clothes that says things like “Stallion,” “Boot Knocker,” or “Boy Toy.”

J and I like to watch the TV show “Hoarders.” The other night we watched an episode (a repeat, but we hadn’t seen it yet) that featured a woman from Washingston named Shanna. She lived like a pig, shitting in a bucket, leaving bloody tampons on the floor, never throwing out trash, and lived in a house filled with hundreds of plastic water jugs filled with pee and shit. Are you fucking kidding me? Who lives like this? The trash in her house was mounded so high that she had no choice to walk on it, and in some areas the trash was so high she had to stoop going through doorways. She used the bathroom in a bucket and then when the bucket was full she dumped it in the yard. When people came to clean the house they had to wear biohazard suits and respirators, and Shanna admitted that she gets a rush from eating food that has fecal matter on it. Google the episode if you dare, and make sure you’re not eating anything while watching. The worst part? Shanna is obviously mentally ill and incapable of living on her own; she honestly thought the bad smell in her house was due to dust and mold.

I can’t think of anything else to write. Are you fucking kidding me? I always have things to say, but I guess my brain is shutting down.

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16 thoughts on “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

  1. Now that you ask… yes, there is bottled water that is not kosher. Or not always kosher. Like if you drink a milk from the same cup as your water, that water is not kosher within six hour of consuming meat products. If there is any chance of contamination with non-kosher things (like bugs) or in the process of bottling the equipment and the bottles are not kosherized, then the water is not kosher. Like the same example as above: equipment was used to process both milk and meat products, or, gasp, pork! makes the water not kosher.

      • I am so glad that you and Hevel answered because I didn’t know these things! I would certainly hope though that different equipment was used to process meat, milk, and water. And no bugs. No bugs is important. I didn’t nkow that filtering can include animal bones; I always assumed (like a dumbass) that they used a man made chemical filter. Animal bones is kind of gross.

      • No bugs is hard when you love red lipstick like I do … most red dye used in food or makeup is non-vegan because it’s made from cochineal insects. That’s Carmine, Natural Red 4, and Crimson Lake. Plus shellac is insect based and it’s in a lot of food and cosmetics.

  2. my are you fucking kidding me moment was when I realized I love honey boo boo and her family. I can relate to them so much ( don’t be hatin) . I see a lot of my family in them as no matter how little or lot they have they have love

  3. in Mobile too. My kids were out of school for 2 days. The public schools are out for 3 (through Ash Wednesday…). When we 1st moved here, I had a major WTF (??) moment.

  4. Great stuff as usual. In a somewhat related issue, we have twin sisters in our area that are supposed to be on Hoarders in May. You should see the van they drive. Full size GMC van. It is so full of papers and stuff that the back end almost sits on the road as they are driving. That is AFTER the show aired. I guess they moved some of their stuff from the house to the van before it all got cleaned up. Supposedly, the local paper quoted the producers as saying their house was the second worst they have seen.

  5. We don’t get Groundhog Day off of school in PA, but we do always have a couple days off at the start of hunting season. If they didn’t schedule it that way, attendance would be too low for it to count as an actual school day. At least that’s the explanation I received when I moved here many moons ago.

    • I ditto this. I’m a PA gal (lol) and actually live in the heart of hunting territory. The first day luckily coincides with being the Mon after Thanksgiving, so it becomes part of the Thanksgiving break. Funny enough, I also only live 45 miles away from Punxsutawney, PA. But no, we don’t have Feb 2 off. 🙂

  6. The University of Southern Mississippi was hit by an EF-4 tornado on Monday, February 11. The college was closed for Mardi Gras, so there were fewer students on campus.

  7. Here in Australia we have a Royal Show (like your State Fair I think) in each State. It is usually held in school holidays. In one state, when they changed from 3 school terms to 4, the Show & holidays no longer lined up. So, schools were given one day off during the 2 weeks so kids wouldn’t just take a day off anyway!!! Schools were grouped & given set days so the kids weren’t all there the same day!!!!

  8. I grew up in Arizona and attended first through 12th grade at public Arizona schools. I never once got a holiday for Rodeo Days. I feel a little ripped off now. Those schools owe me 24 days of vacation!

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