Hey y’all, MockMama here. I am so excited to tell you that my wee babe, 6-inch, is quite ill. We went to the pediatrician yesterday, and my sweet babe has a mild case of RSV and a double ear infection. The doctor provided us with a home nebulizer for breathing treatments 4x/day and antibiotics for his bacteria-laden hearing vessels. She told me he would be well within four or five days, but this is unacceptable. He is clearly the sickest child in Arizona right now, and I intend to make the most of it. I told her that in college I almost majored in pre-med studies therefore I know just as much as she does. I insisted that the snot leaking from his dual nare smelling apparatus likely contains bacterial and viral organisms not yet identified by prominent microbiologists. It took two hours of lecturing, shouting, and begging on my part, but the pediatrician has agreed that 6-inch should be transferred to London immediately for further treatment. I can’t wait!
I am excited about going, but I have heard that hospitals in London are quite uncomfortable. I certainly wish I could afford to stay in a hotel, eat restaurant food instead of hospital cafeteria food, get a massage and pedicure, and be on the evening news. 6-inch needs his rest and all, so I’ll have plenty of free time. I am taking my laptop, my iPhone, an iPad, my iDildo, an iBrator, a set of oil paints, brushes, and an easel. I sure would be nice though if I could eat good and get a good nights sleep.
My sign gals have created these wonderful digital monuments to 6-inch; please put them on your blog and urge others to do so. Thanks to my sign gals 25555555555555555555555555 and Home Is Where The Trash Is for their respective designs.
Also, my fundraising gal, YouBetterBelieveItBabe, is handling the sale of special bracelets to offset 6-inch’s medical costs because I’m certainly not going to pay for it. For 3 easy payments of $39.99 ( plus tax and $19.95 S&H) you can own one of these all natural, organic rubber bracelets! Please allow 4-6 years for delivery.
BUT WAIT!!!!!!! If you order in the next week you will also receive a set of Tampax Super-Mega-Hemmorhage absorbency tampons and instructions to create your very own tampon mural in honor of 6-inch!!! World renowned tampon artist Ding_Dong_In_Ditches created this wonderful piece of abstract menstrual art in honor of my sweet babe! Just pay separate shipping and handling!
Folks, even though I have a sick babe, I can’t tell you how fucking excited I am to blog, tweet, and hit pay dirt in honor of my son. Speaking of the devil, here is a photo of the wee man:
And here is a photo of me! I have lost 100 lbs in the last 3 1/2 weeks and have gone from a size 20 to a size 8!
How did I lose the weight? A brand new all-natural supplement formulated by MLM gal, MckYadaYadaYada. Hit me up for the deets if you want to order your own bottle of Turbo Snort and kick start your metabolism!
Edit: I have gotten word that my faithful MWOP companion, Henny Loo, has gotten her words of hope about 6-inch across intergalactic boundaries: