Pray For 6-Inch

Hey y’all, MockMama here. I am so excited to tell you that my wee babe, 6-inch, is quite ill. We went to the pediatrician yesterday, and my sweet babe has a mild case of RSV and a double ear infection. The doctor provided us with a home nebulizer for breathing treatments 4x/day and antibiotics for his bacteria-laden hearing vessels. She told me he would be well within four or five days, but this is unacceptable. He is clearly the sickest child in Arizona right now, and I intend to make the most of it. I told her that in college I almost majored in pre-med studies therefore I know just as much as she does. I insisted that the snot leaking from his dual nare smelling apparatus likely contains bacterial and viral organisms not yet identified by prominent microbiologists. It took two hours of lecturing, shouting, and begging on my part, but the pediatrician has agreed that 6-inch should be transferred to London immediately for further treatment. I can’t wait!

I am excited about going, but I have heard that hospitals in London are quite uncomfortable. I certainly wish I could afford to stay in a hotel, eat restaurant food instead of hospital cafeteria food, get a massage and pedicure, and be on the evening news. 6-inch needs his rest and all, so I’ll have plenty of free time. I am taking my laptop, my iPhone, an iPad, my iDildo, an iBrator, a set of oil paints, brushes, and an easel. I sure would be nice though if I could eat good and get a good nights sleep.

My sign gals have created these wonderful digital monuments to 6-inch; please put them on your blog and urge others to do so. Thanks to my sign gals 25555555555555555555555555 and Home Is Where The Trash Is for their respective designs.

 

church

pray

Also, my fundraising gal, YouBetterBelieveItBabe, is handling the sale of special bracelets to offset 6-inch’s medical costs because I’m certainly not going to pay for it. For 3 easy payments of $39.99 ( plus tax and $19.95 S&H) you can own one of these all natural, organic rubber bracelets! Please allow 4-6 years for delivery.

bracelets

BUT WAIT!!!!!!!  If you order in the next week you will also receive a set of Tampax Super-Mega-Hemmorhage absorbency tampons and instructions to create your very own tampon mural in honor of 6-inch!!! World renowned tampon artist Ding_Dong_In_Ditches created this wonderful piece of abstract menstrual art in honor of my sweet babe! Just pay separate shipping and handling!

 

tampon

Folks, even though I have a sick babe, I can’t tell you how fucking excited I am to blog, tweet, and hit pay dirt in honor of my son. Speaking of the devil, here is a photo of the wee man:

 

My Photography Portfolio

And here is a photo of me! I have lost 100 lbs in the last 3 1/2 weeks and have gone from a size 20 to a size 8!

GirlsNightOut

How did I lose the weight? A brand new all-natural supplement formulated by MLM gal, MckYadaYadaYada. Hit me up for the deets if you want to order your own bottle of Turbo Snort and kick start your metabolism!

turbosnort

Edit:  I have gotten word that my faithful MWOP companion, Henny Loo, has gotten her words of hope about 6-inch across intergalactic boundaries:

overlord

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36 thoughts on “Pray For 6-Inch

    • Thanks! He got his first dose of antibiotics last night, and he has had 4 breathing treatments so far. Right now he is vigorously playing with some Hot Wheels and jabbering away in his sweet baby talk. I think he’s feeling better 🙂

  1. Now, when 6-inch is miraculously healed (screw modern medicine, it is a fucking miracle) – don’t go ignoring him like he doesn’t exist simply because the cash cow dried up!

    On a serious note, poor S always looks so sad when he is actually in a photo 😦

    • I’m glad I made you laugh! Three days ago when I was loving on 6-inch he licked my dual nare smelling apparatus and then proceeded to sneeze in my mouth. I’m sick now too :/ Please send balm and gift cards. xoxoxoxo

  2. Um, why are we still talking about your sick kid? I thought this blog was about SNORT. Tell 6-inch to get on with it and get healed up. We need to keep focus on you. I am wondering though, if this sick 6-inch gig lands you some awesome gifts, cruises, meals, spa days, perhaps we could encorporate a disease-o-month to utilize your offspring to our fullest scammability. As your admin, I feel the need to look to the future and will start researching some diseases we can photoshop onto the children. The kids won’t be little forever, so I feel like now is our chance to exploit them, before they are taking the car keys and hitting the mall. I wonder, would you consider possibly painting their walls E. coli yellow or Salmonella chartreuse ? just a thought. 😉

    • J and I have updated our will so that you, my dear admin, will be in charge of raising our little sandwiches should we perish prematurely. Of course I feel obligated to tell you there is no insurance money and you will also inherit our many debts. You’re welcome!

      • Lovely. That is okay. Those two little ankle biters of yours can join my kids, technically they will be the underclassman and my older 7 will have to whip em into shape. I am wondering, can I just home skool em or what?

  3. Listen up ya shoe whore!
    I have come up with a brilliant scheme to get footlong involved in this plot and it is high time he starts pulling his weight at Casa Snort.
    Take a pic of the two of them together and photoshop him down to 8 inches then post an appeal to all that you need cash for a ransom to get his inch back.

    I will send you nasty threats and whatnot about what will happen to that inch if the moolah or stilletos are not paid toot sweet!

      • LMAO!!! Footlong pulls his weight at Casa Snort. I told him just last night, “Footlong, your little brother is sick. I need you to clean the house, knit me a warm blanket, cook dinner, and then drive yourself to school tomorrow because Mama will be busy blogging and tweeting.”

  4. Absolutely brilliant and glad to hear the wee man is feeling better. I really needed a laugh today. You’re looking fab by the way xx

    • You bet your ass I’m worth it. I throw a piece of furniture at J every night and make him tell me I’m worth it. Then I deny him sex and make him sleep on the floor.

  5. I thought about making a photo of 6 inch’s name written on the Kotel, but then decided my irreverence of my religion goes just so far. So just picture it in your mind!

  6. Psssssst…….Snort…….it’s me, your incognito friend from the other place (who does not comment there)…

    Please tell the ladies tonight (Sun, 2/24) that TOMORROW at 9AM is the Phone call per the Wisconsin Court System to discuss the Mckinney separation. It’s listed on the WI Court Access site. This little tidbit plus “Fridge’s” long (awesome) comment need to be on the front page of MWOP!

    Thanks, Missy. Oh, and it’s time for some new weight loss pics, skinny minny ; )

  7. “Renowned tampon artist” damn near had me falling out of my chair laughing. I love your take on the world. Moslty I am super in awe that you lost 100 pounds in 3-1/2 weeks. A-fucking-mazing. I must have 53 cases of your Turbo Snort right away, along with a gaggle of bracelets and whatever the hell else you’re selling so everyone will know I’m your #1 fan.

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