Dream A Little Dream

Last night I dreamed I was a cast member on my all-time favorite show, “Saturday Night Live.” I was Paula Deen and I hosted a late night, naughty cooking show on Food Network called “Paula Deen Uncensored.” I made hysterically awful recipes that had complete disregard for fat, sugar, and calories….even worse than she cooks now. And during the sketch as I cooked I got so turned on by the food that I was rubbing frosting on myself and moaning and dumping a bag of skittles down my pants and faking the big O. Then me and the celebrity host demonstrated how to make a grilled cheese sandwich using two pounds of cheddar cheese, 2 sticks of butter, and a whole loaf of French bread. I then dipped it in beer batter and tossed it in the deep fryer. When it came out I jammed a skewer in it and ate it like a corndog, moaning in ecstasy the whole time. Justin Timberlake was the celebrity host, and as I gnawed on the fried sandwich I was dry humping his leg like a dog and shouting, “C’mon JT! Make me feel like Jessica Biel!” I actually woke myself up laughing.

The only thing missing from the sketch was my fat ass crammed into a size 28 Miss Me jeans.

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9 thoughts on “Dream A Little Dream

  1. You must invite me to the next food porn dream you have. Especially if there’s deep fried anything and justin timberlake.

  2. Meda/Mom here. OMG. Laughed so hard, I peed my pants. I once dreamed I was stuck on a island totally made of chocolate! I even woke up with a stomach ache from eating all that stuff. Hubby told me, it was not a dream! I had gone to the fridge and consumed a pound bar of Hershey’s choc. At least your dreams are erotic lmao. Mine caused me to gain 5 lbs! Ready for new pics! Can’t wait to see you.

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