Xyng-a-ding-ding!

Two delightful friends of mine from MWOP recently went to the advertised Xyngular meet-and-greet in Oklahoma City. One of the ladies, my dear friend Skirts, won a month supply of the energy and mood boosting Xyng tablets. She sent them to me as she has pre-existing health conditions (and common sense!) that prohibits her from using them.

I know alot of you think me a hypocrite for wanting to try the pills that I bash Jennifer McKinney for selling. I have had gastric bypass surgery; weight loss isn’t my goal. What I want to do is take these pills for 2 or 3 days ONLY and provide an honest, unbiased account of how they make me feel. Jennifer and other Xyngers claim these miracle energy and mood boosting pills cure everything from autism and bad joints to diabetes and depression/anxiety. Let’s see, shall we? Is my appetite suppressed? Do I have more energy? Am I more focused? Is my mood boosted? Am I a hot, sweaty, jittery mess? Is my heart racing? Is my depression/anxiety better? Does my shit smell like a fragrant bouquet of lillies? Did my forehead grow taller? Did my karaoke and dancing improve?

I feel at this point, for the sake of being totally honest, that I need to disclose my personal health information. I suffer from major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder; I am under the care of my PCP and psychiatrist for medication management (2 antidepressants [NO MAOIs which are dangerous] and a mood stabilizer). I suffer from rosacea. I am taking several vitamin supplements due to the gastric bypass surgery, and these include: multi-vitamins, iron, vitamin D, biotin, vitamin B12, and calcium citrate. I received an extensive health work-up prior to surgery including testing and evaluation by a cardiologist and pulmonologist. I have lost 80 pounds (not make believe pounds…..actual pounds). I do not suffer from chest pains, high blood pressure, migraines, asthma, difficulty breathing, abnormal heart rhythms, peripheral vascular disease, cancer, autoinflammatory disorders, sleep apnea, nor do I have a history of blood clots or a clotting disorder.

I plan on updating this blog several times throughout the day, so please check back.

10:40: Read the directions on the box of Xyng. I will admit that is it a pretty package. It says: “SUGGESTED USE: Adults, orally take 1 capsule mid-morning and/or mid-afternoon, 2 hours after a meal or on an empty stomach. Benefits should be noticed within 60-90 minutes. Do not take too late in the day as sleep may be impaired. Do not take more than 4 capsules per day.” If memory serves I have seen Jennifer post photos of two capsules, so that is what I took. I chased them down with a small glass of Crystal Light and then cracked open a chocolate Premier protein shake. This is totally unrelated to Xyng, but I have been upping my protein intake since I am losing hair.

11:20: Return inside after playing in the backyard with 6-inch for 40 minutes. I feel nothing. Drink more Crystal Light and protein drink. Pee.

11:42: I’m starting to feel like I’ve had coffee (which I haven’t). The two Xyng capsules total 180 mg caffeine (90/tab), so in doing some research online 180 mg caffeine is the equivilent of a short coffee from Starbucks with no milk or cream. Short = 8oz. 6-inch has just gone down for his nap, so I’m going to do some light housework.

12:30: Have been putting away toys and am about to clean the hall bathroom. I am feeling like I have had a helluva lot of coffee, and what I call my “unders” (underarms, under boobs, etc) are all kinds of sweaty. It is 74 degrees in the house so I’m suspecting it is the supplements making me sweaty.

1:18: I heated some leftovers for lunch, sat down, and just stared at them. I honestly feel like if I eat I will barf. I drank some Crystal Light.

1:40: As I am not allowed to skip meals per my surgeon’s instructions I made myself sit down and eat. I was only able to eat half of what I normally would eat for lunch, and I had to follow that with a Zofran tablet for nausea. I am now getting ready to wake 6-inch from his nap so that we can go and pick Footlong up from school. We normally would walk, but it is nearly 100 degrees today so we will drive. I just checked my BP for good measure; BP 121/76, heart rate is 84. I don’t feel like my heart is racing, and other than the sweating and nausea I feel nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t feel happier or more focused either.

2:30: 6-inch and I lay down in bed for snuggles, and I fall asleep. I guess the caffeine wore off.

3:25: Footlong and 6-inch are busy playing in Footlong’s room. I take another two Xyng tablets as instructed to reach my total of four for the day.

3:35: I still have no appetite, but I make myself eat some almonds and sunflower seeds because I need the protein. I am drinking my normal amount of fluids.

4:41: Feeling more energy, like I just chugged some Starbucks. Still not noticing anything “special” about these damn pills: no mood elevation, improved focus and/or concentration, etc. Am also not feeling jittery which is good. I have no appetite at present, but we’ll see how I feel at dinnertime (7:00 pm).

5:20: And the caffeine has introduced itself to my intestines. Do any of you ever get diarrhea from having too much caffeine? Yeah, me too. Excuse me whilst I head to the bathroom.

5:47: As far as I am concerned Jennifer McKinney’s claims about these pills are complete and utter bullshit. People with diabetes, painful joints, arthritis, depression, etc. likely show symptom improvement with losing weight NOT with taking these over-priced crappy capsules. I have experienced no increased mental focus, clarity, concentration, mood elevation, headache relief (did have a headache this morning because it is “that time of the month”), or any other effects besides a moderate caffeine rush. I’m not taking any more tomorrow or any other day. What a crock of shit. Am I surprised? No, not really, but at least you have an HONEST testimony as to the efficacy of Xyng.

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23 thoughts on “Xyng-a-ding-ding!

  1. Keep checking in with us Snort so I can keep an eye on you. From what you’re describing regarding the ‘caffeine buzz’ I am so glad I decided not to take these. I can’t handle that jittery feeling at all. Hope you’re able to fall asleep tonight! One Xyngbot told me that these have a mild antidepressant effect. When I told her I am already on antidepressants for panic disorder, she said it wouldn’t interfere, and in fact some people have been able to go off their prescription antidepressants after taking Xyng. Yeah, right. Are you tracking your weight during this experiment? Thanks for taking one for the team Snort, but hope you don’t feel too crappy.

  2. I weighed 213.5 today, Skirts. Like I said, I’m not allowed to skip meals nor am I trying to diet on top of having bypass surgery. So far I’m finding alot of her claims to be pure bullshit. I feel like I have had two big cups of coffee, but that is it. I’m not happier, more focused, concentrating more, nor am I noticing changes regarding my depression/anxiety. And, for the record, I died laughing when I read the post-it note you stuck on top of the box!!!

  3. I’m here, watching. I would so love a fast road to skinny, but I’m old enough to know there isn’t one. Just don’t do yourself any harm, we need your sense of humor around here.

  4. But, but… has your forehead gotten longer? 😉 Seriously, glad to know that you’re not taking any more.

  5. Sounds like when I take a few Anacin whilst driving amongst the black paved roads not unlike a forest of asphalt whilst attempting to appraise a property that said bank is attempting to seize or paint weird patinas.. I see dead colors

  6. Bummer shoot – they’re not magic pills after all? Gee, and the Xyng was being ooohed and aaahed over by the Xyngbots as being everyone’s favorite of the products. I think alot alot of it is the power of persuasion. They think it’s going to make them feel better so it does (in their mind). Can you imagine if you had paid big money for these products? I’d talk myself into thinking it was great stuff too! I’m glad you got the runs – the quicker you get that ‘crap’ out of your system, the better! Hope tomorrow is a better day Snort.

  7. We all say JM is full of shit but it must be hard to keep any in with all of that caffeine, not to mention Flush! You are a trooper for lasting 1 day. JM is such a sleezy saleswoman. The fact that the list of ailments that Xyng cures keeps getting longer should be a clue to the sheeple. I can’t imagine paying full price for essentially a multivitamin and caffeine.

  8. I really love your blog and was interested to read this post. One observation… since your bypass surgery you don’t absorb medicines like someone who hasn’t had the surgery. So you probably had half the effect of the med. I am glad you didn’t harm yourself taking this medicine, but I bet there are many people who will.

    • Actually, Janice, gastric bypass patients absorb medications just like non-surgical patients with one exception: we cannot take extended release tablets. For example, pre-surgery I took Wellbutrin XL (extended-length) once a day for my depression. Now post-surgery I have to take regular wellbutrin three times a day. So with the exception of extended or continuous release pills (other examples would drugs with words like -contin, -XL, -ER) I’m good to go. I took every possible precaution with this Xyng crap, like not imbibing any additional caffeine or exercising, but it is just a sham in my opinion.

      • I guess I was misinformed about the absorption. I am a nurse and I recently took care of a gastric bypass patient(who is also a nurse) who has to take 75mg of coumadin a day related to absoption problems post gastric bypass surgery. Yes, your read that right 75mg… I agree with Xyng crap being a scam and I find your blog hilarious!! 🙂

      • There are some things that may have to be adjusted, and there are drugs that are permanently off limits (like any kind of NSAIDS [advil, toradol, aleve] because they increase the risk of ulcers in our tiny tummies). But holy fuck, 75 milligrams of coumadin????? Damn. Is the patient eating collard greens and kale with every meal?????

  9. the xyngbots have a “placebo effect”…

    and OT:
    I was a Moe’s Saturday with my littlest munchkin and ordered “extra cilantro” for my veggie burrito bowl. I instantly started cracking up. The burrito guy looked at me like I had started celebrating cinco de Mayo early. 😛

    • I’m sure the Xyngbots have some kind of placebo effect; I figure that if they shell out the $$$$$ they had better get excited about taking it! At least Skirts got it for free and lovingly passed it on to me at no charge. And fuck cilantro!!! Even though it made you laugh thinking about me!!!

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