If You’re Tastelessly Funny And You Know It Clap Your Hands (CLAP! CLAP!)

Thank you all so much for your absolutely hysterical photos in my first ever contest here at The [SNORT] Files. There are few things that chap my ass like people taking constant photos of themselves and everything they eat/see/do/excrete/etc. so I figured why not pay homage to the disgusting and irritating art of the “selfie.”

As promised the following entries will be posted anonymously. At the bottom of the post you can place your vote for the best (or worst depending on how you look at things). To recap, the winner will receive a gift certificate to ShoeDazzle OR JustFab (winner’s choice and worth $39.95) for some shoes! Second prize is a lovely, fragrant candle made with real flower petals. Third prize is a bar of hand-crafted artisan soap. I did participate, but I will not give myself or my bestie Stephanie Gerber a prize. The voting poll is at the bottom, and please vote for your very favorite because you can only vote ONCE. Voting ends Sunday Night at 8:00 pm Arizona time (11:00 EST, 10:00 CST, 9:00 MST, and if you’re overseas then figure that shit out on your own!)

 

SAVING TWO STEPS:  DINNER AND A PEDICURE.

foodpedicure

 

THE GOOD SAMARITAN! A MAN CORNERED THIS LADY IN THE BATHROOM AND ASKED HER TO HOLD HIS ROUTE 44 SONIC DRINK, AND SHE GLADLY DID.

holding drink

 

WHO NEEDS A FOREHEAD OR A FIVEHEAD WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A SIXHEAD?

photo

 

IT’S A FAT-FASTING DAY! BREAK OUT THE BUTTER!!!!!

100_0155

 

I’M SO FUCKING HOT WITH MY PEANUT BUTTER GOATEE, PINK HAIR, SIZE NEGATIVE 8 JEANS, AND FAT-FAST FOODS THAT YOU BITCHES CAN’T HANDLE IT.

Im Skinny Now

 

GOTTA GET MY DRANK ON WITH SOME GIN AND JUICE BEFORE I CAN KICK SOME KARAOKE ASS AND SMACK SOME BITCHES WITH THE MICROPHONE!

GIN

 

I’M SO FUCKING TIRED. HERE’S HOPING I’M WELL RESTED WHEN THE PLANE LANDS.

CAM00396

 

ERMAGAWD, Y’ALL, I JUST WOKE UP.

438

 

“MCKDORK FACE” WITH BLUE HAIR (BECAUSE PINK IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO LAST SEASON)

photo

 

AND IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, LET ME CLARIFY THAT XYNG IS PERFECTLY SAFE TO TAKE WHILST BREASTFEEDING!

ZYng 2

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2 thoughts on “If You’re Tastelessly Funny And You Know It Clap Your Hands (CLAP! CLAP!)

  1. Oh Snort, these are so good. Sorry I didn’t get a pic entered – time got away from me. Sure wish I could vote more than once. So hard to pic a fave. Great job everyone!!!

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