Happy Mother’s Day! And Happy Winner’s Day!

Firstly, Happy Mother’s Day to all of you fine ladies (and Hevel) out there who are someone’s mother, aunt, grandmother, or act in a motherly capacity to any child. Thank you for all you do.

 

I speak of Mother and Father Snort on here, but I haven’t really told you anything deep. That said, today I would like to dedicate this post to my mom, Mother Snort. No, I don’t call her Mother Snort. I don’t even call her “mother” unless I’m pissed off; she has always been Mama.  Mama married my Dad when she was only 18, and after being married for about a year they decided to try for a baby. I’m assuming it was a fun project, and one day Mama went to the hospital for a pregnancy test (these were the days of the late 1970s before EPT and First Response graced supermarket shelves). She was handed a slip (that is in my baby book) that had her name on it and said, “Preg test Pos.” She said she was happy and in shock. She told me the very first thing she did on the drive home was stop off at the grocery store and buy a gallon of milk; she hates milk, but she figured she needed to drink it for me. My dad worked the night shift and was sleeping when she got home. She woke him and showed him the paper; it took him several minutes to reach full consciousness and grasp that Mama was indeed pregnant. Mama said her pregnancy was uneventful; she craved popcorn, Coke-flavored Icees, and stewed tomatoes. She was convinced I was a boy, and my name was to be Christopher. Dad, however, knew I was a girl. They took their last vacation as a married couple without kids and went to Disney World. Mama went into labor about a week before her due date, and 28 painful hours later (and with the assist of forceps) I was born. Mama said I was pink and cried loudly; I weighed 6 lbs 8.5 oz and was 20 inches long. She said my dark brown hair looked perfectly cut and trimmed as if I had stopped at the beauty shop on the way out of her uterus. Since we lived 2000 miles apart, Mama missed out on much of my pregnancy and didn’t arrive in Tucson until the day after Footlong was born. Seeing her face both light up and cry like a baby is something I’ll always remember. She is a wonderful grandmother to all three of her grandchildren (Brother Snort and his wife have a beautiful daughter).

 

Thank you to all who took the time to vote for the photo contest on the blog. I closed the poll at 8:00 pm sharp. If you want to get all technical, first price was the dinner and pedicure photo…..which was mine. I actually soaked my feet in a mixture of canned corn, Chef Boyardee, chili, cranberry sauce, and tomato juice. My feet were greasy and stinky the rest of the night even after I scrubbed them twice with Dawn. So, the real first place winner is T, the hot mess with a peanut butter beard, size negative 8 jeans, drinking whipping cream and holding Crisco. She chose the ShoeDazzle gift certificate, and I’ve already sent it to her email. Second prize went to my friend E with her very sexy, “Ermagawd! I just woke up!” photo. She’ll be getting the awesome candle. Third place went to S and her xynged-out kiddo that let us know that Xyng products are safe for breastfeeding. Nicely done ladies. Nicely done indeed. E and S, I have emailed you already asking for your addresses.

 

Good night guys. I’m off to have half a glass of wine (okayed by my doc) and veg on the couch. Love to you all!

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