Photos, & Fucking Random Thoughts

Congrats again to my friend T (who we all know on MWOP but whose nom de plume I shall protect) who won the photo contest. She opted for a ShoeDazzle gift certificate, and since they were (unbeknownst to me) available only increments of $25 I got her a $50 certificate because I’m not one to promise someone something then deliver less or not at all. Ahem.  She was able to pick out a pair of earrings, a pair of shoes, and even got shipping covered. Here are the shoes she chose:

JACEY_BLACKMULTI_A_SIDE-hero-original

Mother’s Day at Casa Snort was nice. I specifically asked John not to buy me flowers, candy, or a card (he usually does all three) because I had just spent about $100 at Old Navy buying several pairs of yoga pants, tanks, and jogging bras. I couldn’t put off shopping any longer; I was having to wear a chip clip to cinch the waistband of my pants when I went walking, and when I was just piddling around the house cleaning or cooking I wore a t-shirt and panties. Footlong, however, made me two lovely cards at school. Here is the big pink one; note that he drew cupids shooting hearts all over it as well as a little stick-family photo of the four of us:

carmencardcupid

Inside the card was a worksheet called “All About My Mom.” There were many questions, and Footlong had to fill-in-the-blanks as best as he could. I was so surprised how well that little shit knows me! Here are the questions and answers:

  • My mom’s name is …..Carmen
  • My mom’s shoe size is….9 (he knows that because I have let him pick out shoes for me)
  • My mom’s eyes are…..brown
  • My mom is 33 years old. (Not quite. I’m 34)
  • My mom’s favorite color is …..green.
  • My mom’s favorite thing to eat is…..corn. ( I died laughing at that. I have no idea how he extrapolated that corn is my favorite food.)
  • My mom’s favorite thing to drink is……coffee
  • My mom’s favorite thing to watch on TV is…..Olympics (Totally right! I can’t believe he remembered that!)
  • On the weekend my mom and I like to…..play with me and the baby.
  • The thing my mom says the most is……Tinky-Winky  (that is one of 6-inch’s nicknames)
  • I love my mom because……she is nice.

My heart about melted reading his sweet answers. Here is the other card he made me along with the photo on the inside:

carmencard

carmencardphoto

What he wrote at the top (he tried to spell as best as he could) was:  “Dear Mom, I had fun. I’d come home soon I hope. Love, Garrett.”  Hard to believe my handsome little man will be 8 years old this fall. He looks absolutely nothing like me; I joke around that I was just the incubator. He is all from John’s side of the family:  blond, blue-eyed, skinny, and short in stature. He is going to have my smart ass attitude though. 6-inch, on the other hand, is way more like my side of the family:  brown hair, brown eyes, really vocal about what he wants and does not want, and is a chubby little ball of fun. I’ve posted pictures of Footlong (who you now know as Garrett), so it is only fair that I post a picture of 6-inch (who is known in our family as Preston):

prestonshoe

I caught him red-handed trying to put on one of my jelly shoes.

For shits and giggles I decided to become a redhead. Here are some photos:

redhead1

redhead2

It positively killed me to take selfies, but I rationalized that at the very least I wasn’t duck facing, pouty-frowning, pretending to be a hands-on parent, or “sleeping.”

Now for some randomness:

  • I can quote the movie “Friday” from memory.
  • I have not bought a pair of shoes in a month. A whole fucking month, people.
  • I love to watch the Jewelry channel on TV, and there was an absolutely beautiful blue and white topaz ring set in sterling silver. I had seen the ring before for almost $300 (it is a 7 carat blue topaz solitaire with 3 carats of white topaz), and it was on clearance for $89. I looked at John, and he said, “Go ahead and order it. It is stunning!” I have really small, petite hands and fingers (go figure….the rest of me is soooooooooooo not petite), and he loves looking at my hands when I wear rings and have a nice manicure.
  • Speaking of manicure, I have found a great brand of press-on nails that will stay on for 4 or 5 days. To get the best results you clean your fingernails with nail-polish remover (none of that moisturizing shit…plain old acetone is what you want), let your fingers dry, then rub your nails liberally with the prep-pad included with the nails. You remove the adhesive backing from the nails, press for a few seconds, and that’s it. I have also found that hitting them with the blow dryer once a day melts the glue and I press them again.
  • The board of nursing has let me know that I am eligible to reapply for a nursing license in just a few months. I voluntarily surrendered my license, and the penalty of surrender was three years. I have to show proof of medical and psychiatric care showing that I have addressed my narcotic addiction, proof of outpatient rehab therapy, submit to urine drug testing, and attend NA meetings. I’m undecided whether or not I want to re-enter the profession. If I do I absolutely WILL NOT work providing direct patient care. I wouldn’t mind having a job auditing charts or working for an insurance company, but my babies are only going to be young once, and I don’t want to miss any of it since we are able to live on just one salary. I really need to think about this.
  • I’ve been having this totally fucked up recurring dream where the county Board of Education where I grew up examined records for students in the early-mid 1990s and decided that we received a sub-par education. They decided the best course of action was to revoke our diplomas and make us do high school all over again. It didn’t matter that some of had college degrees, had been to trade school, or were in the military; we had to do high school all over again. I was freaking the hell out because I couldn’t find my physics homework from senior year and trying to decide whether or not I wanted to re-audition for the flag corps. I was also expected to rejoin the academic and math teams, and I caught myself flirting with and kissing one of my old boyfriends. People were showing up for class drunk or hungover, and I was dressing in Duckhead shorts, Hypercolor t-shirts, and K-Swiss shoes like I was 14 again.
  • If my call is very important to you, why have I been on hold for the last six minutes?
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15 thoughts on “Photos, & Fucking Random Thoughts

  1. Ooooh, your little sammiches (foot long and 6 inch) are so darn cute! I want to squeeze their cheeks! Just my 2 cents about going back to work: if you can make it on one salary, I’d opt to stay home at least until 6 inch is in school. They will grow up too fast. I’m loving the red hair – suits your fiery personality! P.S. I smell soooo sweet!

    • Awwwwwwwwwwww, thanks. The little sammiches are a joy, and I can’t believe that I had a hand in making those two little guys. I’m guessing you got your package!!! YAY!!! I bet you do smell quite nice; I hope it isn’t overpowering.

    • It was hysterical, gramma. He kept looking at me because he knew I was his mama, but he wouldn’t get very close. When he finally crept over he stuck out one of his chubby little hands and patted my head then played with my hair. It took about 20 minutes for him to be cool with it; he has only ever known me as a brunette. I even tinted my eyebrows red to match!

  2. Are there any volunteer opportunities you can take that require you to have your nursing license? That way you can help people, still mostly be a SAHM, and then if you want to get back into it as a career later you’re already ready. That feels like it would be the best of both worlds to me.

    • I understand what you’re saying in theory, Maggie, and I wish it was that way. Unfortunately when you do get a license you have to work xxxx hours annually and complete so many continuing education units (like CPR, ACLS, PALS, etc). If I make the decision to get it back I will have to find a job that I am willing to work. I am still allowed to provide direct patient care, but I will NOT be allowed to administer any form of narcotic (pill, shot, or IV) to my patients or any other patients. They also have restrictions where I can’t work due to substantially high narcotic use, like ER, labor and delivery, and the surgical recovery room. Most doctors offices use Medical Assistants because they are cheaper and provide simpler care than RNs do.

      • That’s less fun! I’m an attorney so I didn’t know any of that about nursing. It’s not anywhere near that strenuous to maintain my law license – I just pay bar dues and get 24 hours of continuing legal education every two years, which I can usually get for free or for about 20/hour. So I can (and probably will) do things like pro bono protective orders and victim’s advocate work if I’m ever a SAHM.

    • The name of the nails are Broadway; they come in what looks like a fake, clear bottle of nail polish. They come in all different patterns and a handful of solid colors as well. Each container has 24 nails, you have different sizes and extras should you lose one or two. And thanks for the compliment on the hair! I don’t do anything halfway—if I was going to go red I was going to go motherfucking RED.

    • I respect your opinion in saying so, ja. I mean that in a totally non-snarky way. In our family (particularly my side), believe it or not, when we get amused with someone we refer to them as “that little shit” or “I can’t believe that little shit did that!” I can understand how it can come across as offensive, but I used it in jest just because that is what I’m used to. I apologize if I offended you, and I shan’t (always wanted to use that in a sentence!) refer to one of my kids as a shit again 🙂

      • I did know you didn’t intend it in a mean way, it just made me squrim for him. I pictured him reading this in the distant future and going what? my mom thought i was shit. I’m a little sensitive to name calling (way too much of that from my family growing up). Thanks for the reply and the explanation. Hug the little guys! they”re adorable (and you’re looking a bit adorabble these days! congrats on the changes)

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