I have something that I need to confess. I have lied to all of you. Deceived you. And I need to come clean.


I did not have gastric bypass surgery. Yes, I am down over 85 pounds, but I didn’t have surgery. I’m sorry I lied.


I didn’t use any magic pill or even Weight Watchers.


How did I do this?


I CALLED THE WEIGHT LOSS LAWYER! Do you need to lose 50, 75, or even 100 pounds? Are you sick of that stubborn fat sticking around even though you’ve served it an eviction notice? Call The Weight Loss Lawyer! We will negotiate with your body fat and will lower your BMI—Guaranteed! You’ll lose weight for pennies on the dollar. You see that Krispy Kreme donut? It has 350 calories, but after meeting with The Weight Loss Lawyer that donut now contains 25 calories! My body fat was shaking in my thighs after my initial consultation with The Weight Loss Lawyer! Fuck salads, surgery, calorie counting and other “fads.” The Weight Loss Lawyer offers pills, sprinkles, laxatives, and the legal know-how to make your body fat shrink OR ELSE. What are you waiting for? Get off your ass and call toll-free 1-800-Fuk-Fatt.


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