Totally Random Snort

Sometimes it is really nice to get to know your friends. I’ll share if you will!


My hair is naturally medium/dark brown.

I have brown eyes.

As I type this I weigh 208 lbs.

I am 5’5”.

My shoe size is a 9

One of my qualities that irritates my friends and husband is that when we watch a medical movie or TV medical drama I basically shit all over it. “Look at that! They’re shocking his heart through his clothes—he’d catch on fire!” “OMG, you would NEVER shock someone in sinus tachycardia!” “Where is all this O-neg and slew of drugs coming from? There are lag times at hospitals, people!” “Look at that supposed blood transfusion! It’s basically a liter of saline with red Kool-Aid added.” “The cardiologist is wearing a $20 stethoscope, and he’s putting it in his ears backward!” Don’t even get me started on the show “HOUSE.” Worst medical dramatic crap ever written. As far as accuracy over-all it is a tie between Grey’s Anatomy and ER (although some things on ER had me shaking my head).

I wear man’s deodorant. It was on sale at Costco. We acquiesced. I use man deodorant, and J uses Oil of Olay body wash.

Last week I got a call from an old friend from high school. He and I talk once every year or so. He travels a lot so his calls are usually from the airport. We did a lot of reminiscing, and I asked him if he remembers the first time either one of us ever got on the internet. It was late May 1996, about a week before our graduation. Our beloved librarian, Mrs. Warrior, had just installed all the software and modems, etc. Keefe and I were ditching class and hanging out in the library. She asked us if we could try and get on the internet to make sure she connected everything correctly. We heard dial tones, pings, bings, scratchy noises, then we were at the AOL home screen. We had no clue what to do. We chose the button to “chat” and five minutes later we were in a chat room where the theme was “No Panties Thursday.” Yes, folks. That is how I got on the internet for the very, very first time.

At 9:20 am it is currently 81 degrees with sunny skies.

I refuse to ride carnival rides that go upside down or drop me from really high up.

I am having a mini-break down about turning 35 next month. I don’t feel 35. I don’t look 35 (and I obviously don’t look 21 anymore because I can’t get carded anywhere). Father Snort is retired and receiving disability and has some chronic health problems. Mother Snort works and has some health problems. Brother Snort is married and has a child. I have one grandparent left and live 2000 from all of my family (including J’s family. We’re from the same town.)

I look absolutely AWFUL when I wear yellow or orange.

My family (I mean all my family back home) still prepares the same freaking meals every single Thanksgiving and Christmas. By the time I was 20 I was permanently burned out on holiday food. When we go home on a holiday now I fight nausea and just eat one or two things. Christmas dinner, in case you were wondering, consists of:  Turkey, ham, potato salad, dressing and gravy [my favorite], macaroni and cheese, shrimp casserole, broccoli and cauliflour salad, green beans (sometimes in a casserole, sometimes by themselves), deviled eggs, cranberry sauce from the can that makes the flarp sound as it exits the can, heat and serve rolls, pecan pie, and coconut cake. My brother, uncle, and I usually punctuate this meal with several shots of whatever is on hand (last time I was home I think it was tequila).


I mentioned that I have one grandparent left. Her name is Maw-Maw Snort, and she is a cool old broad. You can talk to her about anything. She’ll sit and have a beer with you. Paw-Paw Snort died late 2001, and I am so proud of my Maw-Maw for not holing up and being a house mouse. She flew out to Las Vegas with 20 other people for my wedding. She let me take her on a tour of the strip, and she rode to the top of the Stratosphere! She has flown to Tucson, and when she and I took a drive one day I asked her, “Anything special you want to see?” “YES!! Please show me those saguaro cactuses and lots of mountains!” She was so excited. I love her to pieces.

I have just finished my second cup of coffee.

I wish I had $3000 for a TemperPedic mattress.

If I had a month to travel the world with all expenses covered and local tour guides helping out I would choose to tour the islands of the South Pacific, go to Australia, then tour China.

The only states that I have NEVER been to include:  Maine, Rhode Island, Delaware, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Iowa, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Kansas, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Oregon, Hawaii, and Washington.

I’m hoping to go back to school next fall.

I cannot live without back and foot rubs.

Snakes scare the living shit out of me. You know how some people can’t watch a horror movie in the dark? I can’t watch a show about snakes in the dark. Weird, I know.

I skipped a grade in elementary school.

I graduated 3rd in my class in high school.

I am still a Nerd, and proud of it.

I have 5 tattoos:  3 need touching up, and I want one removed.

I am allergic to 3 medications all of which give me the hives.

Some of my favorite smells are freshly mowed grass, honeysuckle, orange blossoms on the orange tree, rain, clean sheets, my babies, J’s cologne, and the beach.

I need to pee.

I have an old friend that is doing another tour in Afghanistan right now. I’m trying to think of things to put in his care package, but I’m coming up empty. All of my friends from high school or college that do tours overseas get at least one care package from me.

I hear 6-inch’s little teeth crunching on a potato chip. It is so cute. It reminds me of our old Chihuahua puppy when she would eat her tiny kibble one piece at a time.

I really have to pee now.

Tell me some things about you!




12 thoughts on “Totally Random Snort

  1. My name is Megan.

    I’m 28 years old.

    I live in southern Morocco, but originally from the DC area.

    My favorite vacation spots usually involve beaches, but I’m also obsessed with Las Vegas and it’s history.

    I live for teaching dance, Mexican food, my family, dog, and friends.

    My little guy (read: dog), Jake, is currently living with my mom while I’m here.

    It’s 11:57am and 96.5 degrees in my apartment. There’s no such thing as A/C.

    I’m engaged to the love of my life, who is Moroccan and lives in the town where I was sent.

    Lunch today will be cold OJ and egg sandwiches.

    I can get around in the Moroccan dialect of Arabic, but don’t know any Berber, which is the predominant language here. Go figure.

    I can’t wait to come home.

  2. I live in AL.. am a college professor… am 40-something… have 3 kids who are very different in ages… HAD breast cancer in my 30’s… and HATE HATE the pink ribbon and the whole pinktastic *awareness* movement.

    I also am a runner (ok… a jogger) and have struggles with anxiety (mainly PTSD bullshit related to– ya know– almost dying).

    I’m fairly active in the whole animal rescue thang– We frequently have extra pets (“fosters”) in our home. Currently, we are fostering a kitten names “Meep”.

    oh– and I use “…” and “–” too much, which I know makes me seem ignorant. 🙂

  3. My name is Betsy
    I’m 36 and live in New Hampshire in what used to be a camp.
    I have one child who is my personality clone – it’s pretty freaky sometimes
    I’m in the process of starting my own business, and can’t seem to find a web designer for love or money
    My dog broke his paw the other day, then chewed off his cast. He’s currently acting like his paw is not broken and we have to keep reminding him to lay down already!
    The extreme humidity in NH keeps giving me asthma attacks over and over and it really sucks.

    • I love NH! I spent a summer living and working in Burlington, VT and spent some time driving through NH. One weekend J and I were trying to drive to Maine to spend the weekend at the beach and our car broke down just outside of Concord. Beautiful state!

    • Boooooooooo! I don’t want to look 35. My basis for comparision was Mother Snort, who at 35 was almost totally gray and had lots of wrinkles. I shall work on embracing the fact that I look like I’m in my mid-30s….even though I don’t feel like I’m that old 🙂 And how old are you?

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