Well, y’all (I can say y’all because I have a relative who lives in Georgia) it has been a busy few months to be sure and I’ve neglected to blog.
So I guess you all heard about the internal house inferno that was fed with oxygen, right? We tried feeding it with helium, xenon, cobalt, and silicon but nothing happened. I prayed and God personally told me Oxygen was the way to go. It was so cool! I got a tarp on my roof, none of my windows were broken, I gorged myself on lasagna and chocolate milk, then I got to remodel the house. I had to sign something saying I would pay the….oh hell, what are they called? Land Barons? Land Workers? Land Loads?…..more money each month or something. It doesn’t matter because the bill basket was lost in the pharr. I’m also late on the Prop or Pee taxes, but I’m not good with the financial stuff.
My company is sending me to Bora Bora soon. The connection on the phone wasn’t all that great so that said something either about laying in hammocks or covering my ham hocks. Not sure. I fly by the seat of my mullet skirt so we’ll figure it out when we get there. I hope they have karaoke and someone I can beat down with the microphone. And I’ve been practicing my squat thrusts and cat asshole expression. I’m going to knock this out of the park. I’m thinking about adding an 8-count or two of the Funky Chicken, but I haven’t decided for sure yet.
I’ve been working really hard in the kitchen, trying to perfect my love of color with my love of food. Just a few weeks ago I marinated chicken in blue food coloring. Delish! I also made pulled chicken that looked like a cross between ramen noodles and cup of noodles. And carrots! Did you hear I made carrots? I should have photographed it but I didn’t have time cause I had to add cinnamon, butter, salt, butter, salted butter, and buttered salt. Yum.
I now have 3 sets of washers an dryers—one for each level in the house. They are mainly for decoration as I don’t really clean anything, but the spin cycle is fun.
That’s it for now, y’all. I’ve got a dozen eggs, a slab of bacon, and 3 sticks of butter with my name on them.